Turfed Out Into the Tundra

Sad tidings on this Monday, mortals. My quest to restore St. Nicholas’ faith in mortal-kind, has turned disastrous—& I have only myself to blame!

Having returned to the North Pole after last Friday’s show, I tried to stir Santa’s soul with a wonderful story that a reader shared—of Austrian nuns, who escaped a nursing home & returned to their former convent. Of the community that rallied around them, caring for their elders & ensuring their dignity.

My eyes shined with hope; surely this story would warm his ancient heart? But I nearly fainted when I heard the Claus’ response. He harrumphed, stroked his beard, & uttered a word I ne’er had heard from his jolly old mouth: “HUMBUG.”

I felt dizzy, & nearly collapsed. He took no notice of my distress, engrossed in his cursèd Kringle-stone. I began, it pains me to say, to panic. I began banging on the window, begging & pleading. “How could ye say that?,” I howled. I demanded to know who sent him the miserable Kringle-stone, & gainsaid its use, declaring I would not indulge his follies & would not take on his Christmasly duties.

His cheeks grew rosy, as he flew into a rage. His belly shook like a bowl full of jelly, as he declared me outcast, cursed my name, & banished me from his polar realm.

He sent me out into the snows, with no provisions, nor map, nor aid of any kind. & the calendar continues lurching toward the 25th, with a world full of mortals in need of his annual gift-ride. What am I now to do?

How foolish I was, how undisciplined. & my despondent outburst may cost us all dearly! Mayhap the Kringle-stone also affected myself? Well, I’ve plenty of time to ponder that now, while I search the aurora for a new plan…

Thank ye for reading, mortals! & I humbly thank all those who can & do support our works here with coin!

I know I have erred, but I vow: Christmas shall come, one way or another! I shall write ye Wednesday with news of this week’s episode, & I shall also let ye know if my arctic wanderings yield any useful result. ‘Til then—be safe, be well, & SAY NOT “HUMBUG.”

Cheers,
Amœnus Franco
Wizard, Writer, Very Cold