To Catch an Investor

A pensive Wednesday’s greetings, mortals! This Friday, we shall endeavour TO CATCH AN INVESTOR! We thought the Billiens exterminated, but one remains—& if let alone, ‘twill multiply again & DOOM the nascent nations of the Shattered Empire. Thus we must entrap it—to cure Mister Neelix, & to end the Billien threat! Join us Friday to watch us try TO CATCH AN INVESTOR!

If ye missed last week’s—first, catch the replay, of course—I shall recapitulate: aboard our Humonculomongus, we were celebrating Mister Neelix & his arduous journey, when a Billien face-hugger which stowed away at the end of the previous-previous week’s show, clamped onto his poor Talaxian face. He lies in an alchemically-induced stasis, & we must race against the sands of time to find a way to save him from the same bloody fate that befell poor Permy the Perma-Goblin eight weeks ago, when we first encountered these foul creatures.

What do we know about these moneymorphs? & what more do we need to know?

We know they grow their numbers by parasitic reproduction, & they reproduce by implanting themselves in the living bodies of the poor. They attract believers—as we saw during our visit to Quaint Village, LLC—but, their cultists are not transformed. Some cults warp their members—snake cults, for example, frequently help members ascend to ophidimancy & ophidimorphy. Thine own Jarl Trump’s cult, the MAGA, also transforms its members, with primitive Earth cosmetic surgery, yielding the dreadful “Mar-a-Lago Face.” But the moneymorphs only reproduce with their parasitism, & any non-Billiens who worship them, shall ne’er become Billiens themselves.

Permy the Perma-Goblin—may the gods rest the quarter-soul we endowed him with—perished almost immediately, after a gestation period of less than a minute. By contrast, Neelix survived long enough for us to place him in stasis. What saved him? His larger form? His Talaxian physiology? The necro-phlogiston inside the Humonculomongus? We must endeavor to find this information to assist us in curing poor Mister Neelix.

How might we trap the fiend? Only one adult moneymorph is alive, so far as we know; it escaped out an airlock after last week’s show, & returned to the surface of the Shattered Empire. We need to lure it to us, & capture it. We know they like to prey on the poor; we know they like to hold large, evil comedy festivals. We know they cannot resist any chance to exploit, or to feed on the less fortunate. How might we turn these tendencies to our advantage?

If ye have any ideas, let us know in the comments—we shall try ANYTHING to save Mister Neelix, & end the Billien scourge ONCE ET FOR ALL.

Thank ye for reading, mortals! & we thank dearly those kind mortals who can & do support our works here with coin.

I shall write ye Saturday, after—hopefully—we succeed in our attempt TO CATCH AN INVESTOR! ‘Til then—be safe, be well, & be sure to wear a mask, lest a Billien lay an egg in thine esophagus…

Cheers,
Amœnus Franco
Wizard, Writer, Preparing the Billien a Seat Right Over There