Never Stop Wassailing

WASSAIL & joyous YULE to all, mortals! Thank ye to the many friendly folks who joined us for such a cheery time last night! ‘Twas wonderful to sing & jest in such fine company.

& here on Yule—the longest, most beautiful night of the year—I ought to be wassailing & jesting, with mead & merriment! But on my Yuletide Adventure, I found myself deep…in Hollyum’s Lair!

Yuletide Adventure III: Season Without a Santa
“Hollyum’s Lair”

As I plumbed the deeper depths of the ice cavern, Sméagyule grew quiet. I told myself he merely felt nervous; then the growling & grumbling returned. We entered this chamber, with its strange glowing portal, & a literal SACK OF SANTAS—the missing from our world, & others besides. Before I could ask Sméagyule to set them free—he lunged at me! Well, not Sméagyule. Rather, his sinister side, the horrid HOLLYUM!

As he leapt upon me, I pieced together what befell poor Sméagyule. Some time ago—how long ago, I can yet only guess—Sméagyule worked for Santa, a cheery little Christmas Elf. One day, while exploring, he stumbled upon this cave, which contains THE JINGLE RING. A window to infinite Christmases, the ultimate holiday binge! He became obsessed; what good Christmas Elf would not want to view Christmas in every way he could? What toymaking secrets might he glean, what novel techniques for determining Naughty from Nice?

His obsession led him to return to the cave more & more, making toys less & less. Eventually he spent his days & nights entire, gazing into the JINGLE RING, subsisting on fish & candy. He must have discovered that portals go both ways—that he could reach through the Ring & seize all of Christmas for himself! But no good Christmas Elf would be so greedy…& thus, HOLLYUM emerged. All of Sméagyule’s worst traits, wrapped into one evil little package. His avarice, his cowardice, & perhaps, his bitter longing for the toy-filled life he once knew.

I believe that Hollyum kidnapped our Santa, & these others, as bait. He reached into the Ring, & grasping them away, like holly jolly halibut. To lure me in, that I would teach him true mastery over the Jingle Ring! My arcane secrets, used for anti-Christmas ends? NEVER. I shall defeat ye, Hollyum…

…or so I hope…

Yegad, such villainy! ON YULE?! What a terror, this Hollyum! Be sure to read Monday’s edition to see how our battle shakes out.

In the meantime—be safe, be well, & WASSAIL!

Cheers,
Amoenus Franco
Wizard, Writer, Wassailing Away