Yuletide Victory Party

MERRY CHRISTMAS, mortals! Of all thy Wintertime feast festivities, Christmas holds a special place in mine immortal heart. Please join us Friday at 8PT for our CHRISTMAS IN HELL party! Cynthia will be there, Bel-Cash-Zzar will be there, & I hope ye will be too!

At the bottom of this dispatch, ye shall find my “Christmas card.” & just before that, please READ ON to find the JOYOUS CONCLUSION to

Yuletide Adventure III: Season Without a Santa
“Claus for Celebration”

My battle with the “Dark Master” truly were a sight to behold. I wish ye could have seen every moment, but ‘t would have OBLITERATED THY MORTAL MINDS. I forced him back through the JINGLE RING into the VOID OF HUMBUG, & the nightmares of that realm brew despair in e’en the brightest hearts. Mark Cuboids roam freely there, alongside Koch-Beasts, Murdochxen, & Bezosiopaths. For hours we battled, brave Blitzen & I, with only lingering Christmas Cheer to nourish us.

At the most desperate moment, when the dread titan GOLLUN MUSK held Blitzen in his foul, inarticulate jaws…the JINGLE RING flew open again, & Santas poured forth! Green-Suit Santa, & Sinterklaas, & Party Santa, & Hana Kōkō, & Slightly Thinner But Otherwise Normal Santa & SO MANY OTHERS. The scene would, frankly, require at least $541 million to depict properly. But they arrived because, no matter how the greedy & wicked try, there can never truly be a “Season Without a Santa.” For, ye see, belief in Santa, creates Santas.

If Gollun Musk had succeeded—had he eaten this world’s Claus & ushered in the Fimbulhumbug—Santa would still return. So long as folk in the world exemplify St. Nicholas’ signature qualities—selfless giving, faith in goodness, & a steadfast opposition to the vile heretic Arius—a Santa shall always emerge. The first Christmas took place amidst brutal oppression, tyranny, & the wholesale slaughter of infants by a mad king. Suffering at Christmas, this is no new thing. Christmas is a time that flies in the face of evil; a holiday that spites the villains who would see us all crushed beneath their foul boots! & so long as we believe in Santa, we shall endure.

The Santas’ arrival turned the tide of battle. Though many fell, the surviving Santas & I encased Gollun Musk & his oligonstrosoties ‘neath a MOUNTAIN OF COAL. Who deserves naughty coal more than billionaires, ne? Someday, they shall dig free, & menace us all once again. But for now, we may breathe a minty sigh of relief.

I returned to the North Pole for a Christmas party with the rescued Santas, Santas who fought alongside us, &—much to my surprise—SMÉAGYULE! ‘T seems, after we removed Gollun’s influence, his evil half disappeared. Lucky fellow! Although, when Sinterklass gave me the gift of a peppermint-fish, I did notice a certain gleam in Sméagyule’s creepy little eyes…

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL, & TO ALL THE GOOD FIGHT

I hope ye enjoyed this year’s Yuletide Adventure, mortals! If ye missed an episode, or wish to revisit them all now that the tale’s completed, simply press upon these very words.

I hope also that, despite all, this Winter has treated ye kindly. I wish cheer & good fortune to ye all, whether ye observe Christmas or not. & I hope our shows, & this Yuletide Adventure, have played some small part in cheering ye in this dark season. Scroll down just a bit more for a little Christmas card, from me, & I hope to see ye Friday night!

Merry Christmas,
Amoenus Franco
Wizard, Writer, Christmasser