Wizard Wednesday: A Cursèd Charade!

Wizard Wednesday, HUZZAH! News below but first—this Friday, SUMMERSBANE RETURNS! After two weeks on a secret expedition, seeking more information about the mysterious ELON HUSKS, he comes back to us…bearing a CURSE. It will be up to myself, & especially our dear mortals in the audience, to sort out what precisely happened on his mission! BE THERE, FRIDAY 8PT AT TWITCH.TV/WIZWORLDLIVE!

In the meantime, let us gaze grimly upon some news…

• Elon Musk announced he is using Gina Carano to strike back at Disney, with a Twitter-funded lawsuit that begs Disney for $75,000—plus, a guest spot for Gina in a Star War. Rumors abound that Elon’s next legal ambush will be a lawsuit to let OJ throw a pass at the Super Bowl.

• Also on Twitter, Tucker Carlson will soon interview Vladimir Putin. This interview is poised to be the 1938 Hitler “Person of the Year” TIME cover of Twitter interviews, which makes sense, because Tucker thinks Hitler is the best person of every year.

• Disaster struck in the Fiefdom of Tragedy after a recent decree—which mandates housing as a human right—reduced the national tragedy levels by 87%. President Biden announced he will send a relief effort to the contentment-plagued fiefdom, in the form of a delegation of landlords, led by Hannibal Burress.

• Finally, last night in the Nevada Republican primary, the voters overwhelmingly chose, “None of These Candidates.” This marks the first honest election in American history, which means the Supreme Court shall overturn it swiftly.

Thank ye for reading, mortals! I hope this brought a bit of enlightenment to thy day, & I hope ye shall join us Friday at 8PT on Twitch for our show. Stay safe out there, be kind to thyselves, & if ye enjoy our missives, please, refer a friend!

Cheers,
Amoenus Franco
Wizard, Writer, & Depressed Town Crier