Will ye survive the Gob Jabbar?

PLUS—the March Forecast!

Author

Amoenus Franco
February 26, 2025

BE STILL, mortals—for ye face the GOB JABBAR! Hearing rumblings of the Kwisatz Oligarch, our favorite goblin SLURS THE TOILET returns with LI’L AIYDENN to see if—perhaps—Aiydenn could be a child of prophecy?! Plus they have MUCH to tell of the forthcoming Fight Opera show! Join us Friday at 8PT—& remember, foul vibes are the mind-killer…

BELOW—find this month’s Forecast! I stepped into my Calendarium to peer ahead into the dreary March that lies in wait. No sugar-coating on this one, mortals—ye MUST face March forewarned!

The February Forecast
Divined at a Weary Mitternacht, for Mortal Benefit

  • This drowsy MARCH threatens us with an aura of GOLD-FLECKED MISERY. Hints of WEALTH, studded into a stone of SADNESS. Unpleasant! NOT my fault!

  • TERROR strikes the Emerald Isle on SAINT PATRICK’S DAY, as the SNAKES return seeking REVENGE at last. RELIEF strikes as they decide to BITE THE ENGLISH.

  • MAYOR ERIC ADAMS finds himself briefly in hot water, after he PINCHES A DOMINICAN IMMIGRANT for not WEARING GREEN. Governor Kathy Hochul shall still STAND BY HIM, & NYC shall still SMELL LIKE GARBAGE.

  • A TECH COMPANY shall UPSET EVERYONE except their INVESTORS.

  • ELON MUSK, while on new & powerful MEGA-KETAMINE, shall throw a NAZI SALUTE at the NEW POPE. On CNN they shall refer to it as a “CONTROVERSIALLY AMBIGUOUS GESTURE.”

  • Oh & NEW POPE. One so RELATIVELY LEFT that all the AMERICAN CARDINALS shall actually EXPLODE.

  • Gripped by MARCH MADNESS, the denizens of RIO DELL shall whip themselves into a NUDE RIOT. Avoid Rio Dell on that day, & really, ANY DAY.

  • Democrats & Republicans shall unite for a BIPARTISAN ACTION that shall UPSET EVERYONE. This shall happen EACH DAY.

  • DAREDEVIL comes out? Well. That MIGHT BE OK.

  • A certain ACTRESS shall KISS a certain robotic CAR, much to the chagrin of the assembled ASH WEDNESDAY CROWD.

  • Expect an outbreak of the INFLUENZA DI MANGIONE; avoid standing near any CEOs, SheEOs, or BANKERS until the wave passes.

  • Expect also an outbreak of the INFLUENZA DI H5N1; avoid standing near ANYONE.

  • Clover, clover, IN HER HAIR. Treasure, treasure, ‘NEATH THE STAIR.

  • Lucky numbers: 0-13-87, the combination to the DOGE KETAMINE CLOSET.

A rough month ahead, mortals—but I simply see what I see. I hope together, we may make the best of it! & I hope as well, this information makes itself useful swiftly.

Thank ye for reading—& thank ye to the growing cadre of generous mortals who can & do support our works here with coin!

I shall write ye Saturday with a fresh dispatch—assuming we pass the test of the Gob Jabbar! What is in the box? Trash…glorious trash. JOIN US THERE FRIDAY! ‘Til then—be safe, be well, & be kind to any goblins ye meet.

Cheers,
Amoenus Franco
Wizard, Writer, Irish Rising

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