What Bilbo Baggins Hates

Carefully, Carefully, With The Show

Author

Amoenus Franco
September 23, 2026

Wednesday’s greetings, mortals! This Friday at 8PT, we resume our treasure hunt, & delve into an old mathom-house to find out WHAT BILBO BAGGINS HATES! Our quest for magickal artifacts continues with a simple mission: tunnel beneath modern England to find Hobbiton’s ancient treasury. There are no foes, & ‘tis not haunted (I CHECKED THIS TIME), so we should be free of interruption—& we have a wonderful guest, in the person of H. DUBB! So join us, in honor of Mr. Baggins’ birth-day, for WHAT BILBO BAGGINS HATES!

Aye, his birth-day! September 22nd marks that occasion. What a joyful coincidence, to delve down beneath old Hobbiton around such an auspicious anniversary…

A Partial Index of Mathoms

Compiled by Gongo Jamon, Mathom-Keeper,
During the Tenure of Mayor Peregrin Took IV,
in the 200th Year of the Fourth Age

  • Coat of Mithril Mail (used, stained with lethal Morgul-poison)

  • Largest Potato (prize-winner, Old Gaffer, current age 202 years, un-rotted)

  • Smallest Potato (warning issued by Old Gaffer)

  • Pen-Knife, from Gondolin of Old (owned by Hardle Dibblefresh, glows blue when a bill is nearby)

  • Hat (fine one)

  • Peach Basquerade Cloak (#1, signed by Bartlebean)

  • Peach Basquerade Basket (signed by Bartlebean)

  • Peach Basquerade Athletic Cup (signed by Bartlebean)

  • Authentic Gandalf-Made Fire-Work

  • Chipped Clay Plate (said to have been eaten from by King Elessar himself)

  • Mediocre Poetry (penned by Meriadoc Brandybuck, received politely in honor of his deeds during the War; various topics)

  • Various Rings (non-magickal)

  • Silver Spoon (donated, under duress, by Lobelia Sackville-Baggins)

  • The Arkenstone of Thrain (priceless jewel, precipitated the Battle of Five Armies, called also the “Heart of the Mountain,” donated by Bilbo Baggins)

Thank ye for reading—& thank ye to the growing cadre of generous mortals who can & do support our works here with coin!

I hope ye shall join us this Friday for our WHAT BILBO BAGGINS HATES! I shall write ye again Saturday afternoon, after what shall certainly be a simple & tranquil talk show with no interruptions of any sort. ‘Til then—be safe, be well, & prepare to welcome the Fall…

Cheers,
Amoenus Franco
Wizard, Writer, Maboniac

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