'Twas a Lovely 2nd Night of Christmas

Evening, mortals! I hope ye enjoyed last night’s Christmas party as much as we did? If ye missed our extensive debate about soup (& the very nature of being!)—Cynthia’s first monologue in 4 months—2nd Day of Christmas Miracles—or our DOUBLE ho-ho-hoedowns, hurry to the replay right here!

Of course, in addition to our wonderful show, my Yuletide Adventure be not yet completed. I must tie up a loose end, lest it loose evil ‘pon the land…

Need to catch up on the story? Read all of this year’s Yuletide Adventure, or revisit last year’s, right here!

“…And Be Merry.”
Interlude in the Bybliotheca

Christmas Eve—as ye all witnessed—was a success, thanks to the efforts of my allies & I. We shored up Santa’s sense of duty, faith in mortal-kind, & delivered over 3 billion presents. But the horrid Kringle-stone—that accursèd sphere, which drove Santa into despair in the first place—occupies my thoughts.

Aye, we saved Christmas yet again. But to leave it there, walk away dusting my hands whistling “Job done?” Unthinkable. Irresponsible! Who set this misery in motion? Who else might receive one of these damnèd orbs, & find themselves thrust into an inexorable vortex of sorrow?

Nay, this merited further investigation. I shall spend all 12 Days of Christmas on this, if needs be!

After we drop Santa off in his Workshop, & return St. Nick’s Angels to Ærlinn, I secret the Kringle-stone away with me for safekeeping. Santa seemed not to notice—perhaps the memory already fades? If so, darker magicks than I feared swirl about us.

I try to keep the orb’s most pertinent vision in my mind, though it works tirelessly to escape: a skull, emblazoned with the vile seal of the C.I.A. Is this real? An intentional clue, as a lure? Some victim of the villains of the C.I.A., trying to send a message, amidst the other visions of horror?

I sped swiftly to the vast Bybliotheca Nicolai, Santa’s private archive. It contains many wonders—ancient scrolls, unseen by Men in over a millennium, from his time walking the Earth as Nicholas of Myra. Schematics for each toy e’er the Workshop has produced. Elven poetry, unheard by any outside the Pole. & also, the secret documents of each Earth government from the past century.

In order to maintain accurate Naughty & Nice records, as Earthen governments became increasingly evil & secretive, Santa’s agents too developed their counter-espionage skills. Over a dozen Elfin cryptographers work tirelessly, decoding ev’ry single government transition sent ev’ry day.

I combed through the infinite reams of foul correspondence, searching for culprits. Occultists working for the state—Crowley’s fervent dream—or agents fallen to heresy. Perhaps perennial naughty-listers, full of resentment?

Page after page of murders, schemes to murder, gloating of murder…why do mortals tolerate this C.I.A.’s continued existence? I know not, & ‘tis not a problem I might solve today. I must focus on this Kringle-stone & its sender.

Finding no serious candidates, I nearly abandon the Bybliotheca for another method of research—then, in the corner of mine eye, I spot a small diary, bound in reindeer hide, squashed beneath a box of loose wish-lists. Un-indexed, & out of place—but I shall not look this gift horse in the mouth.

I turn the first page, absorbed; then ‘t seems, hours pass, or a day? My cocoa is ice-cold, & my joints near-frozen, yet only one page have I read. I grin with glee; this maleficent manual must be the key! I retrieve fresh cocoa, conduct warding rituals, & dive back in, sure that my true enemy shall reveal themself…

“…And Be Merry.” shall continue on Monday!

Thank ye for reading, mortals! & thank ye extra-much to the generous mortals who can & do support our works here with coin!

I hope ye enjoyed this installment, & our show last night! I shall write ye Monday with a fantastical new development in my Yuletide Adventure, for ‘tis but the Third Day of Christmas—NINE more remain! ‘Til then—be safe, be well, & remember, according to most scholars, if ye can drink the food, ‘tis soup…

Cheers,
Amœnus Franco
Wizard, Writer, Celebrator Christmasæ