Thundo, All Through the Night

MORTALS—we only JUST NOW have left the freeport, what an ORDEAL. But thank ye for helping us turn the travel tragedy into DELIGHTS last night! If ye missed our interview/roast with Thundo—if ye missed a controversial political advertisement about soup—if ye missed the saga of the freeport announcer’s life & wedding—head to the replay, right here!

BELOW—find this month’s Forecast! Originally, I planned to complete the forecast before we left for Texas, but as that show was moved due to thunderstorms, we suddenly needed to put a show together! Thus, ‘twas DELAYED. Thank ye for thy patience!

I divined these whilst munching on a cottage pie from Guy Fieri’s Meat Pie MMM-Porium in the freeport. Read on below, or head here for the audio version!

The March Forecast
Divined in a freeport “rapid casual” eatery, for Mortal Benefit
To listen to the audio edition, head here!

• This tense MARCH menaces with an aura of RAZORED BLOODSTONE.

• The SEASON FOR NONVIOLENCE runs from JANUARY 30th, to APRIL 4th—so far, March, NOT particularly non-violent. There is now MUCH PRESSURE on April 1st-4th.

• An UNFORTUNATE INCIDENT shall make INTERNATIONAL HEADLINES, when a group of NATIONAL BREAST IMPLANT AWARENESS MONTH celebrants accidentally wanders into the WORLD’S LARGEST RATTLESNAKE ROUND-UP on March 14th.

• WAR, yet again. I am unfortunately “BATTING ONE-THOUSAND” on this.

• On ST. PATRICK’S DAY, avoid congregating in IRISH BARS; not for any mystical reason, ‘tis simply SO PLAYED-OUT.

• SHARKS…so many SHARKS…in IOWA. BEWARE THE TIDES OF MARCH, IN IOWA!

• THOU—aye, specifically THOU—shall enjoy an UNUSUAL DOUGH-NUT at an UNLIKELY TIME.

• FAIR PORTENTS: While perched atop an uncomfortable freeport bench, I observed zealous ravens & breezèd leaves. I thus determined that this March shall be an auspicious month for—BETTING AGAINST THE HOUSE; DODGING THE GOVERNMENT; & THREATENING MONEYED BUREAUCRATS.

• ILL OMENS: There too, I noted the wormy crawling of meat-grubs, & the weeping of stranded travelers. These grim signs point to a March that holds doom for—BETTING ON PRIVATE EQUITY; WORKING FOR THE GOVERNMENT; & for OBEYING.

• HAUNTING QUATRAIN:
   Seated on a throne of oak,
   An amber bird sings lonely,
   On deaf ears, & a blind heart,
   As the embers cool in the Sunshine.

• LUCKY NUMBERS: [LUCK TEMPORARILY UNAVAILABLE]

A most dangerous month ahead, mortals—but I simply see what I see. I hope together, we may make the best of it! & I hope as well, this information makes itself useful swiftly.

Thank ye for reading—& thank ye to the growing cadre of generous mortals who can & do support our works here with coin!

I shall write ye Monday with a fresh art & a tale! ‘Til then—be safe, be well, & beware the thunder…

Cheers,
Amoenus Franco
Wizard, Writer, Thundo-Targeted