Thief in the Temple

Bright Monday to ye, mortals! I dispatch this to ye just before the frenzied stock markets yawn open in the troubled Imperium Americum, but it seems likely the fire sale shall continue, ne? With wild dogs loosed upon the halls of state, dragging brazen torches across the fragile web that is thy government, the clever rogues among ye may spot opportunity!

Not “buying the dip,” nay. This current “dip” seems likely to grow into a “valley,” or “gutter,” or “unfathomable abyss.” & thy Jarl Trump declared this weekend that he seeks to “devalue the dollar,” so, scrounging up specie seems a fool’s errand also. The wisest thieves ought to plunder stranger treasures; as ye can see, I helped myself to RFK Jr.’s original brain, stored in this tunnel beneath the Smithsonian!

Who knows what secrets it may hold? Who knows what his family may trade to retrieve it? Aye, devoutly they must wish for a normal father…leverage, mortals! When chaos descends upon an empire, leverage helps ye keep the wolves at bay.

So if ye dash through the burning temple that is America, ye must pick carefully what ye carry out—& let us keep a wary eye on what the oligarchs loot, too. Though, depending on the whims of the horrid god Ikkonomi this morning, they may be too busy to pilfer…

Thank ye for reading, mortals! & thank ye humbly to the lively cohort of generous mortals who can & do supply $5 monthly to support our works here! I hope the glowing red numbers emanating from every bank trouble ye not.

I shall write ye come Wednesday with news of this week’s episode—#249, can ye believe it?! I scarcely can…’til then: be safe, be well, & be wary of itinerant stock brokers seeking refuge. They may attempt to quant at ye…

Cheers,
Amoenus Franco
Wizard, Writer, Privately Equitable—Publicly Insolvent