The Red, White, & Blue Knight

Wednesday’s greetings, mortals! Despite last week’s setbacks, our quest for the GRAIL—for the rescue of all mortal-kind—FORGES ONWARD! Friday, at 8PT, I shall vie for the mysterious treasures of THE RED, WHITE, & BLUE KNIGHT! What better way to “honor” the 250th “birthday” of “America?” Join me for an exceptionally experimental treasure-venture Friday at 8PT!

Speaking of treasure-ventures, in addition to the GRAIL, & after a more thorough re-examination of the dire state of Earth, I believe this season, we must collect more treasures than originally planned. At least thirteen; here be my current draft list—if ye know other suggestions, please leave a comment:

A Rough Treasure Plan
Basic Items Required for the Salvation of Mortal-Kind

Holy Grail—obvious, & foremost.

Compass of Galdebar—an amulet which, when coaxed with the right words, aims a beam of light in the direction of a desired treasure.

Gwyddno Garanhir’s Hamper—multiplies a hundredfold, any food which one places within. Crucial for rescue operations, as well as undermining predatory food & agriculture conglomerates.

Mantle of Arthur—an invisibility cloak, laid someplace in Cornwall. Impossible to find without the aforementioned Compass, as the tag was removed long ago.

Nábrók (Corpse-Breeches)—pants, made from the skin of a dead man, which is said to also, for reasons I cannot comprehend, produce infinite coin. Crucial to destabilizing the power of the wealthy, & impolite to attempt to re-create. Frankly, ye simply could not make Nábrók today.

Libri Sibyllini—ancient books of prophecy, consulted by the Romans in times of great trouble. Once used to justify human sacrifice; I promise to ignore that page.

Xirang—pure, self-replicating soil. Essential for rehabilitating the land beneath data centers, military bases, Manhattan, &c., once they are deconstructed.

Pandora’s Pithos—known by most mortals now as “Pandora’s box.” I believe we could cram at least some of the evils back inside, & I believe Pandora a coward for ne’er trying to do so.

Fragarach—an enchanted sword, as so many swords are; but the Fragarach grants power to generate & control wind. Useful for infinite power generation, & also, blowing the wigs off of CEOs.

Angrvaðill—another enchanted sword, another one useful for its non-sword properties. Angrvaðill glows in times of war, & remains dark in times of peace. Thus, not only shall it provide the first clear, objective measure of war & peace; it shall also act as an alarum system after we achieve world peace.

Axe of Gobán Saor—curiously, this axe holds back the tides, when placed upon a shore. Clearly useful for the badly-necessary work of moving mortal settlements away from shrinking shorelines.

Uchide no Kozuchi—a hammer which forges anything the holder wishes. Useful for free & mass production of tools, medical devices, LEGO™ sets, solar panels, skyscrapers, underpants, &c.

Brísingamen—Frejya’s necklace. Pretty!

Thank ye for reading—& thank ye to the growing cadre of generous mortals who can & do support our works here with coin!

I hope ye shall join us Friday for my encounter with THE RED, WHITE, & BLUE KNIGHT! I shall write ye again Saturday afternoon—with an especial Fourth of July Forecast of America’s Future! ‘Til then—be safe, be well, & please pass on any treasure leads…

Cheers,
Amoenus Franco
Wizard, Writer, Knight-Defeater