The October Forecast

PAY HEED OR PAY THE PRICE

Author

Amoenus Franco
October 05, 2026

Good afternoon, mortals! I hope this week thus far treats ye kindly—& I hope my news brings it not down.

October is come, once more—hotly, & unkindly. On Friday it seems we solved the puzzle of our own liberty, & found ourselves trapped in a Samhain-realm! But I know ye need my divinations, & so I endeavored to predict. Read the October forecast below, or head here for the audio edition, which always contains a few extra jests exclusively for the audio-audience!

My Calendarium, at the rise of Fall.

The October Forecast
Divined in the Samhain-realm, for Mortal Benefit
To listen to the audio edition, head here!

  • This over-heated October gleams with the menacing aura of GLOSSY AMBER.

  • Expect much CANDY on HALLOWE’EN, but with a horrid PRICE. The belovèd tradition of TRICK-OR-TREAT suffers too from the unleashèd BOND MARKET.

  • Vacationing in SOUTH DAKOTA? Bring plenty of MONKEY REPELLENT, to survive the impending SIMIAN UPRISING.

  • Wow, nice JACKET. Could I BORROW IT?

  • Expect a SPORTING TEAM to enjoy UNTOLD RICHES, after they agree to KISS A ROBOT. The robot will BETRAY THEM, romantically.

  • JUMP-ROPE. Big time.

  • DELIGHT strikes when CHARLIE BROWN is brought to life by a little-known CLONING COMPANY. However, TRAGEDY strikes, when he attempts to kick a FOOT-BALL.

  • Make eight pounds of MACARONI. Ask not why—ye shall KNOW when ‘tis PERTINENT.

  • AMERICAN MAGAZINE MONTH, a long-cherished celebration which everyone knows of, turns sour when PENTHOUSE FORUM receives a threateningly erotic story from THE NEW UNABOMBER.

  • WAR, of course. What do ye mortals love so, about WAR? Why always WAR?

  • FAIR PORTENTS: Trapped within this Samhain-realm, I observed the flickering of jacks-o’-lantern, & the sudden cackles of motion-activated witches. I thus determined that October shall be an auspicious month for—GUISING; MUMMERY; & also for INGESTING CANDY.

  • ILL OMENS: There too, I tasted hideous peanut butter-taffy, & watched the disgusting dances of song-sparrows. These grim signs point to a month that holds naught but doom for—TRICKS; NOT DRESSING UP; & for REFINING OIL.

  • HAUNTING QUATRAIN:
     Trick, or treat,
     Smell my feet,
     Give me something
     to live for.

  • LUCKY NUMBERS: 4,600,000, the budget of Halloween III: Season of the Witch

An æon of both darkness & possibility looms before us, mortals—but I simply see what I see. I hope together, we may make the best of it! & I hope as well, this information makes itself useful swiftly.

Thank ye for reading—& thank ye to the growing cadre of generous mortals who can & do support our works here with coin!

I shall write ye Wednesday with news of our next episode! ‘Til then—be safe, be well, & beware the Simians…

Cheers,
Amœnus Franco
Wizard, Writer, Ooh-Ooh Ah-Ah

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