The Night Turned Un-Mellow

Fine afternoon to ye, mortals! Thank ye for joining us so mellowly last night. If ye missed our calm evening—if ye missed the Yule Vikings,the Cheese lobbying, & Tarzan Boy Santa—then amble tranquilly to the replay, right here!

Need to catch up? Read all of this year’s Yuletide Adventure, or revisit last year’s, right here!

As Christmas Eve nears, so too my urgency rises, as I must convince the Santa Claus of thine Earth to believe in mortal-kind’s worth again! Sadly, last night’s voyages proved a bust. I journeyed to more worlds I selected from Christmas Catalog of Worlds, but it seems the catalog needs some updating:

• I first stopped at an Earth where steam remained the dominant mechanical technology. The world lacks electricity, & also lacks efficient refrigeration; polio still regularly ravages that world, & SARS was devastating. According to the catalog, a “Steampunk” Santa still served the world’s remaining children, a light in the coughing darkness that hangs over everything. Arrived at the North Pole, only to find a smoking ruin. Were they attacked? Did a steam engine explode? Marked status as “Unknown” for the catalog’s keepers.

• Next, on an Earth where cats own people & not the other way around, the catalog described a complex multi-Santa system—one cat, one elf. I visited their Workshop, but they refused to acknowledge visitors. Marked status as “Unfriendly” for the catalog’s keepers.

• I knew before visiting, that the Earth where humans are instead sapient pinball machines, might not go well. When I arrived, I heard no bings, pings, beeps, nor bangs. Every machine I found, were unplugged. Marked “Dead World” for the catalog’s keepers.

• Spongebob Squarepants Earth; oceans had acidified, due to over-reliance on fossil fuels. Marked “Dead World” for the catalog’s keepers.

• On Super Mario Earth—that is, an Earth where Super Mario became the focus of an all-encompassing cult—the catalog registered an active Santa. However, when I arrived at the Pole, I found their Claus alone. He gazed into a Kringle-stone, murmured of feeling useless. All children there only want copies of Super Mario Brothers, & once they have one…I tried to rouse his spirits, but it became clear he had succumbed to despair years prior. Marked “Unavailable” for the catalog’s keepers.

• On an Earth where anarchy reigns—& thus, all have what they need, living meaningful lives of comfort—the catalog registered a Santa. Travelled to North Pole; found abandoned Workshop, no signs of Claus habitation. Did something happen? Or did he no longer feel needed, in a world of universal plenty? Is he on permanent vacation somewhere, perhaps? Marked status as “Unknown” for the catalog’s keepers.

Six more worlds, each a waste of time—& I could not help but grow suspicious that someone might be working to sabotage my quest…

“…And Be Merry.” shall continue with fresh art, on Monday!

Thank ye for reading, mortals! & we thank humbly all those who support our works here with coin!

I shall write ye Monday with fresh art, & the next big phase of my Yuletide Adventure! ‘Til then—be safe, be well, & spend time with Tarzan Boy Santa, if ye can...

Cheers,
Amœnus Franco
Wizard, Writer, Non-Mellow