The Kriestyr Bunny!

MORTALS—only a few weeks remain ‘til we reach the far Western shore of the Shattered Empire, completing this season’s grand quest! & for this week, a being known as THE KRIESTYR BUNNY invited us to broadcast at his cottage! What a lovely offer! He was quite insistent, in fact—he must be a fan! Bring some chocolates & pastels with ye Friday at 8PT as we visit with THE KRIESTYR BUNNY!

April dawns this morn—wander not unawares into it! I divined this month’s forecast for ye, whilst nearly napping in a wondrous little glade, watching Spring emerge. Read on below, or head here for the audio edition, which always contains a few extra jests exclusively for the audio-audience!

The April Forecast
Divined in a blooming meadow, for Mortal Benefit
To listen to the audio edition, head here!

• This war-scarred APRIL gleams with an aura of DEPLETED CHALCOLITE.

• The SEASON FOR NONVIOLENCE runs from JANUARY 30th, to APRIL 4th—so far, EACH DAY A FAILURE. & the bones I cast had NO good things to indicate about April 1st-4th, either.

• A large CONGLOMERATE BUSINESS shall EMBARRASS ITSELF with a POORLY-CONCEIVED APRIL FOOL PRANK. This is something of a “FREE SPACE.”

• WAR, yet again. This is also something of a “FREE SPACE.”

• Beware SUNSETS this month; a friendly NAIAD burbled a CREDIBLE RUMOUR o’er mine ears that ECO-TERRORIST VAMPIRE BATS shall conduct NIGHTLY RAIDS all April long to protest…EV’RYTHING.

• A bloody BRAWL shall explode when two different, OPPOSING groups of “NATIONAL EX-SPOUSE DAY” celebrants accidentally DOUBLE-BOOK the SAME RESTAURANT.

• APRIL SHOWER shall fall, but what they yield in MAY this year, shall be LESS NICE than FLOWERS.

• If ye read this on April 21st, & thy name be OLAV, then HEED MY WARNING! Eat NOT that WONTON. Thy DATE dropped it ‘pon the FLOOR & then PUT IT BACK. GROSS.

• A certain KINDLY MARRIED COUPLE in CALIFORNIA shall experience a MOST JOYOUS ANNIVERSARY.

• FAIR PORTENTS: Whilst I dozed among the whispering meadow-grasses, I observed the flight of a contented kestrel & the pecking of a woozy woodpecker. I thus determined that this April shall be an auspicious month for—WATCHING BUBBLES BURST; PINING FOR THE SEA; & for INSTALLING FLOORING SWIFTLY.

• ILL OMENS: There too, I noted the mate-feast of a praying mantis, & the weeping of a diseased willow. These grim signs point to an April that holds naught but doom for—INVESTING IN ANYTHING; PINING FOR PEACE; & for TRYING TO BUY A THIRD HOUSE.

• HAUNTING QUATRAIN:
   Winds whipping hotly,
   An orange Moon hangs lowly.
   The cold blow of the horn,
   Warns the dead man of his fate.

• LUCKY NUMBERS: [LUCK NOT YET BACK IN STOCK AT THIS TIME]

An unnerving month ahead, mortals—but I simply see what I see. I hope together, we may make the best of it! & I hope as well, this information makes itself useful swiftly.

Thank ye for reading—& thank ye to the growing cadre of generous mortals who can & do support our works here with coin!

I shall write ye Saturday with, I assume, a delightfully cute recounting of what shall surely be a kindly evening with THE KRIESTYR BUNNY! ‘Til then—be safe, be well, & ponder that quatrain…

Cheers,
Amoenus Franco
Wizard, Writer, Hoping for Cadbury’s