The Grand Time-Heist

Sleepy Monday’s greetings, mortals—did ye feel it, in the night? A day, cut down by an hour! A precious hour, robbed from ye by an invisible cutpurse…but I have yet worse news: each tick of the clock, is the step of a most unyielding thief!

Aye, they stole time from ye—thy masters & bosses. Once they perfected the clock, they caged the day & night. They regimented the “hour,” & divided all into minutes—& seconds, & nanoseconds, & so on down into darkest infinitide. & the masters & bosses wield it against ye still! Punishing laborers for arriving “late” by fractions of time invented less than a millennium ago. Charging ye for time-chunks at “meters,” an absurd concept, unimaginable three centuries past. They stole time itself from ye, & dole it back at a premium.

Then, twice-yearly, in an increasingly-bizarre cycle, they alter the fake time. Shifting the day by an hour each way, causing exhaustion, & death†. But only some of ye suffer this; observation of “Daylight Savings,” quite optional, varies from place to place. In Arizona, some areas jam up their clocks, & some do not. America’s occupied tropical colonies, including Hawai’i, ignore the practice entirely. Whole nations have abandoned it, or never observed it at all. ‘Tis unnatural, crafted by Man—& as with all that Man crafts, Man may likewise unmake.

In years past, mortals manually changed their clocks & watches; now, they change of their own volition. Before, ye could refuse; or at least, observation of the “Savings” required thy action & assent. Now, some distant dastard alters thy time, stealing even that small measure of control. This may seem trivial, & ye may accept it…but why accept it?

& consider—what other parts of thy life, change against thy will? How much control have ye, mortal, over thy days? How many invisible thieves & masters lash ye with their Man-crafted systems, & abrade the fabric of thy soul?

& how much longer will ye let them?

Tick-tock, mortal. The hour for unmaking draws near.

†This study in Nature disputes the “car crashes increase” hypothesis, but cites clear data showing that heart attacks increase after the time-shifts, due in part to added exhaustion & disrupted sleep. Time shifts, & death follows.

Thank ye for reading, mortals! I hope the time-heist has not left ye over-tired. & thank ye also to the kind & generous mortals who support our works with coin!

I shall write ye Wednesday with news of this week’s especial St. Patrick’s Day episode! ‘Til then—be safe, be well, & DEFY THE CLOCK-MASTERS!

Cheers,
Amoenus Franco
Wizard, Writer, Antihorologist