The Good, the Bad, & the Skippy

Good evening, mortals! Thank ye for joining us last night—I hope ye enjoyed our time with the endlessly-delightful SKIPPY DURANGO, & her trusty steed RASPBERRY. If ye missed our thorough interview about the life of a sea-cowboy—the debut of the Alchemizer—our thoughtful discussion on the dietary needs of Catholic fish-gamblers—head to the replay, right here!

Below—find the MAY FORECAST!

Mary (aka Skippy Durango) hosts a wonderful talk show & publishes other material—including a documentary about her recent voyage to Cuba—on her YouTube channel. & if thou be near Los Angeles, on May 7th, she shall co-host a Rae For LA fundraiser with Michael Burns!

Last night marked Bealtaine—& so we welcomed May with a wicker Nixon bonfire, as is only right! & so too, tradition demands I forecast the coming month for ye. I divined this forecast for ye deep under the waves, at Skippy Durango’s saloon (with gambling). Read on below, or head here for the audio edition, which always contains a few extra jests exclusively for the audio-audience!

The May Forecast
Divined in a sea-bound saloon, for Mortal Benefit
To listen to the audio edition, head here!

• This war-weary MAY glitters with an aura of STRIDENT MALACHITE.

• The SEASON FOR NONVIOLENCE ended on April 4th; ye do not need ORACULAR FORESIGHT to see POORLY how that went. Best of luck NEXT non-violence season, mortals!

• Expect ABNORMAL RAINS during NATIONAL LIPID DAY; ABNORMAL SOUNDS during the NATIONAL DAY TO PREVENT TEEN UNPLANNED PREGNANCY; & expect NORMAL RACISM on JEFFERSON DAVIS’ BIRTHDAY.

• NERDS across the omniverse shall recoil in HORROR on MAY 4TH, as LUCASFILM reveals startling new details about GROGU’S crimes during the CLONE WARS.

• A certain SLOP COMPANY shall face PUBLIC EMBARRASSMENT when its CEO expresses a desire to SLAUGHTER CHILDREN, but there shall be NO FINANCIAL CONSEQUENCES.

• MAY FLOWERS shall arise, bearing COUPONS for CAR WASHES.

• WAR? STILL? Mortals…WHAT are ye DOING? Or NOT DOING?

• Avoid the BEACH on the morning of MAY 32ND, unless ye like ICHOR.

• A certain CHARMING YOUNG MORTAL in WASHINGTON shall experience a MOST JOYOUS BIRTHDAY.

• FAIR PORTENTS: Whilst I observed mer-folk wagering on solitaire, I also noted the swimming of a jolly jellyfish & the wiggling of a smiling sea-star. I thus determined that this May shall be an auspicious month for—MOVING BACK TO STUDIO CITY; SEIZING JOBS; & for UNDERMINING CRUMBLING EMPIRES.

• ILL OMENS: There too, I suffered the screeching of a villainous porpoise, & inspected the innards of an unlucky herring. These grim signs point to a May that holds naught but doom for—MOVING TO ARKANSAS; SEIZING CORPORATE ASSETS; & for UNDERMINING THINE OWN SELF.

• HAUNTING QUATRAIN:
   Dust settles on an empty throne,
   Light streaming through rent curtains.
   Tapestries hang limply,
   & the grand citadel falls still.

• LUCKY NUMBERS: 6 8 19 10 8 ; 9 8 5 18 28; 7 11 3

An unnerving month ahead, mortals—but I simply see what I see. I hope together, we may make the best of it! & I hope as well, this information makes itself useful swiftly.

Thank ye for reading—& thank ye to the growing cadre of generous mortals who can & do support our works here with coin!

I shall write ye Monday with fresh art & a tale. ‘Til then—be safe, be well, & ponder that quatrain…

Cheers,
Amœnus Franco
Wizard, Writer, In Massive Solitaire Debt