The Fall Trashic!

DOWN, DOWN, TO GOBLIN-TOWN—ho ho, my mortals! Reinvigorated after our stay in the CHAMBER OF REST, this week Summersbane & I journey to Goblin-Town for the FALL TRASHIC! ‘Tis the crown jewel in the goblin sporting calendar, & ye shall be the first surface audience to witness it! Our fond friend SLURS THE TOILET—everyone’s favorite goblin—shall be our guide, along with his boon companion LI’L AIYDENN! Plus, a fresh report from Cynthia…this show is PACKED, like a bin overflowing with WONDROUS TRASH (recall that, to goblins, this is GOOD).

In the meantime—I know many mortals will soon, or have already begun to, VOTE. I find it a curious & intriguing pass-time—particularly in places like the United States, where the activity is both SACRED RITE to all, yet also FOUL INCONVENIENCE to the powerful. My feelings notwithstanding—I advocate as ever for small villages ruled by a Magister selected via condemnation fortnightly—I know many of ye feel a need for GUIDANCE. Particularly, when it comes to so-called “direct democracy,” where ye may vote on laws furnished via petition by corporations, landlords, wily State senators, & so forth. Gaze thus up on my PERENNIAL PROPOSITION GUIDE, & bear it with ye into the voting booth, or to the kitchen island where ye hurriedly complete thy mail-in ballot:

PERENNIAL PROPOSITION GUIDE
Being a principled Preſentation of how to Vote upon Propoſitions, fair & foul
by Amoenus Franco, bemused Anarchomancer

• FIRSTLY, check: Does the idea seem sensible? If so, ye may confidently lean YES! Evil propositions frequently show themselves immediately—say, a proposition that says, “Should we let an app not pay its workers?” Easy to discard! But vote not, until ye complete further investigation.

• SECONDLY, check: Who supports the proposition? Who opposes it? These work also as strong indicators. In short, if evil people SUPPORT the proposition, ye shall likely vote NO. If evil people OPPOSE the proposition, ye shall likely vote YES.

  • LEAN “NO” WHEN SUPPORTED BY: The police, Sheriffs, landlords, any app, mostly Republicans, a “Chamber of Commerce,” or any billionaire.

  • LEAN “YES” WHEN OPPOSED BY: Landlords, the police, Sheriffs, any app, any billionaire, the “Howard Jarvis Taxpayers Association,” or thine own boss.

• THIRDLY, check: Is this a proposition to outlaw slavery? In California, for example, slavery is on the ballot, in 2024. If the prop, measure, question, &c., is “Should we outlaw slavery?,” then the only correct vote is YES, OUTLAW SLAVERY.

  • This logic applies similarly to any proposition where rights are EXPANDED. If a proposition seeks to add more rights to individuals, generally, vote YES. If it seeks to remove them—or, seeks to give rights to corporations, lawyers, money itself, &c.—ye ought generally vote NO.

  • That is: Enshrining rights to marriage or abortion, YES. Enshrining the right of an app to smash unions, NO.

• FOURTHLY, & most difficultly, check: Is this a law that ought to be passed this way? For example, detailed context-dependent program funding ought NOT be passed by proposition. Ballot measures’ inflexibility leads to rapid degradation of results—California’s “Prop 13,” for example, doomed public education for decades, & ought to have been an issue taken up by the legislature. If ‘tis a good idea, but unfit for a rigid ballot measure, ‘tis often wiser to vote NO.

  • Of course, as America’s various regional governments decline, this becomes DIFFICULT. If a legislature will pass no good laws, or no laws at all, what recourse but the ballot box? In this case, vote thy conscience, & begin to consider what else one might do to bring change, in addition to voting.

• FINALLY, check: Is it a bond to do something ye wish to have done? Vote YES. Civic debt & deficits are ludicrous accountancy tricks, & if a bond to make local schools not collapse causes a financial crisis, thy town was doomed regardless. If Americans would simply tax thy wealthy, ye would solve MANY PROBLEMS.

  • So I suppose, double-finally, if the measure seeks to tax the wealthy, vote DOUBLE-YES.

I hope this guide helps align thy mind, mortals, & assists in cutting through the often intentionally-obfuscous language ye face on modern ballots! Mortals in California may consult this more specific guide; & if ye wish more specific opinions on a measure in thy non-California area, leave a comment on the “web version” of this missive. I shall set the InstaGoblins to task researching the issue, & return with an OPINION for thee!

I look eagerly forward to our return to Goblin-Town for the FALL TRASHIC! Summersbane, Cynthia, Slurs, Li’l Aiydenn—we shall have so much fun in one hour that it may become ILLEGAL.

Thank ye to all who read our dispatches, to those who vote to improve their local communities, & extra-thanks to the generous mortals who support us during our shows, through our humble shoppe, & with $5 monthly pledges here in the Scriptorium! I shall write ye after the show with some reflections, & perhaps, GOBLIN SECRETS? Until then—be safe, be well, & VOTE TO UPSET THE LANDLORDS!

Cheers,
Amoenus Franco
Wizard, Writer, Carefully Walking the Tightrope of Disillusionment with American “Democracy”