Summersbirthday '25!

REJOICE, mortals! For this Friday, we celebrate a true holiday—SUMMERSBIRTHDAY! Around this date over 600 years ago, SOREN SUMMERSBANE emerged from his mortal mother, ignorant of the dark destiny that lay ahead. & so we shall PAR-TAY! Dear Cynthia Weatherwax returns just in time to feast & fest withal, & we hope ye shall join in!

BRING A GIFT.

Unsure what to give an immortal necromancer? Ye are NOT ALONE. Summersbane is too modest to issue gift demands this year, knowing full well the pervasive misery & economic ruin. But I Amoenus, his best friend & former foe, know just what he may like! Below this handsome rendering of Soren Summersbane at faire, find my necromantic gift ideas!

Necromantic Gift Ideas

An immortal necromancer of immense power, whose foul deeds fill the black pages of the Grimnoire, still deserves birthday gifts! Here are some low-cost suggestions, many of which ye can make at home:

• Why not scrawl down a private fear onto a small scroll, wrap it around one of thy household’s messenger ravens, & send it off to Summersbane? ‘Tis personal, heartfelt, & will endow Summersbane with a new measure of power. A perfect gift, mortal!

• Are all thy fears public? Well, send along the true name of a high-powered investor! With that, Summersbane may warp the investor to his own ends, & slowly expand his power within America’s rotting oligarchy! What a gift that could be!

• Home-made cookies (preferably with neither peanut butter nor holy water)

• A 2025 Hyundai Ioniq 5! He would prefer the XRT (extended-range, off-road) model, with a matte black finish (he shall paint runes upon it in blood for gloss). The model features stain-resistant faux-leather seats, & advanced climate control, which make it perfect for transporting undead minions (or future undead minions). Simple enough to make at home, ne?

• A curved dagger, one wielded by a virgin, & stained by the blood of the wicked. Easy to acquire! & if ye wish to add a personalized touch, have the virgin engrave their name upon the blade.

• The simplest gift, sometimes resonates strongest: BONES! Ye contain around 206 bones (or nearly 270, if an infant). Any one would fill Summersbane with glee! Please note, he WILL notice if ye attempt to pass off a Kentucky Fried Chicken bone as human.

Thank ye for reading, mortals! & thank ye of course to those extra-generous readers who can & do support our works here with coin.

Whatever gift ye decide to craft & present to our special warlock, I hope ye shall join us with joy in thy hearts for the SUMMERSBIRTHDAY! Joy-filled hearts, he often tells me, simply taste sweeter. ‘Til Friday, mortals—be safe, be well, & remember to spare a moment to curse the President!

Cheers,
Amoenus Franco
Wizard, Writer, Summersbirthday Concierge