Spiritual War Games

HO there, mortals! I hope ye enjoyed a leisurely week-end. I spent mine on an essential monthly labour: SPIRITUAL WAR-FARE.

A hot concern for troubled conservatives & deceitful pastors ev’rywhere, spiritual war-fare indeed be REAL—but not in the way they believe. Nay, the “charismatic” preachers & White House advisors are not, in fact, struggling against vampires, dæmons, mermaids, & so forth. They are, howe’er, facing witches & wizards—who send illusions & false visions!

Through an international network of allied magi, any eligible witch, wizard, warlock, Hellrune, enchantress, or conjuror may sign up for a monthly shift hurling illusory fiends at the world’s right-wing lunatics! I spent my shift this month with Maithgen, & we concocted quite the onslaught.

Unleashing real versions of these horrors upon thy world would, of course, result in total havoc, & untold innocent casualties. By wielding illusions, aye, we leave our subjects alive & intact. But, we drive them slowly insane, & we also occupy precious time! Like the “Ghost Army” of World War II (a misnomer, ‘twas the Fourth, but no time to explain now), we work to confuse & distract the enemy as best we can.

Just imagine if people like Alex Jones, or Katie Souza, or half of Congress, were not bogged down in fighting pretend battles against were-wolves & the Devil? How much more mischief & misery would they wreak, with more spare time?

A terrifying thought!

So, the next time ye hear Tucker Carlson—or anyone in Florida’s government—or the President—speak of “fighting spiritual war-fare,” I hope ye think of me & my fellow wonder-workers, plotting our spiritual war games.

& should ye e’er need actual dæmons or vampires or dragons unleashed on any power-wielding mortal…well. Think of me then, too.

Thank ye for reading! & we humbly thank that growing clan of mortals who can & do support our works here with coin! GRATIAS!

I shall write ye come Wednesday with news of our next episode! Til then: be safe, be well, & fear not the mermaid…

Cheers,
Amœnus Franco
Wizard, Writer, Illusory Warrior