Spice Patrick's Day

Gather thy clovers, mortals, for SPICE PATRICK’S DAY approacheth! Cynthia Weatherwax shall bring more Witch News—Summersbane & I review a powerful librum—& of course, to celebrate the legacy of St. Patrick, an extra-special visit from PADDY O’LEFTY, the Anti-Imperialist Leprechaun! Bring a pint o’anythin’, thy best green cloak, & join us Friday at 8PT!

Below—read of a brief, harrowing encounter with an URUK-CENTRIST!

Recently—seeking a small chest of coin I had buried in 1171—I nearly crossed paths with a dreaded URUK-CENTRIST! They seem to multiply like mushrooms, these days. “Both sides,” he snarled, “Are just too extreme,” & he lurched about, hunting the same treasure. A repugnant, empty-headed creature, with no integrity & less intellect.

Bred in some dank hole, Centrists seek to stifle progress, & demand praise for it. But they must travel by night, & some lesser Centrists retain a sense of embarrassment. Not so with this new breed! With no sense of shame, the ferocious new Uruk-Centrists lust for power. These Uruk-Centrists stalk about the daylight like Men, & their bestial nature drives them to endanger all good folk. Already they seized the Democratic party’s throne!

But why, it seems, do Uruk-Centrists focus so intently on dragging the left toward the center? If they truly felt passion for “moderation,” as they bray each night under the Moon, why do exactly zero Uruk-Centrists join right-wing parties & drag them toward the center? Why does their new chieftain, Gavin the Newsom, not switch to the GOP & try to moderate them, instead of commanding his Democrats to learn lessons from neo-Nazis?

Cowardice? Malice?

Perhaps both?

Well, I dodged the Uruk-Centrist’s gaze, & retrieved my coin, so I sadly found no answer for thee on his “true beliefs,” if they exist. But should ye encounter one in the wild, ask them the above question: Why such focus on chastising the left? They will sputter with confusion & rage, allowing ye ample time to escape.

I wish ye moderate luck, mortals…

Thank ye for reading! & thank ye to all those kind & generous beings who share these missives with others, & are able to support our works here with coin!

I hope to see ye at SPICE PATRICK’S DAY on Friday at 8PT! I shall then write ye Saturday, assuming our party with Paddy hangs us not over too badly. ‘Til then—be safe, be well, & bear wishes of a FREE IRELAND in thy hearts.

Cheers,
Amoenus Franco
Wizard, Writer, Sinn Féin Amháin