How I Spent my Summersbanecation!

Prepare, mortals, for SUMMERSBANE’S RETURN! Verily, this Friday, ye shall learn how he spent his SUMMERSBANECATION! Adventure, animation, & three weeks of banter ALL AT ONCE. Mark those musty calendars—& prepare Summer tales of thine own to share—FRIDAY NIGHT AT 8PT!

Also—I thought I might tell ye of my harrowing JOE ROGAN EXPERIENCE! Read on below…

Many mortals, unfortunately, find themselves subjected to the hideous lump Joseph Rogan at some point in their lives—an increasing number encounter his madness more than once. Recently, the vapid viper-nest known as “Netflix,” a way to rent many moving pictures which one would never ever watch, paid the Rogan millions upon millions of dollars to scream incoherently for an hour. This is known as “a special,” & this particular “special,” was named “Burn the Boats.” No boats were harmed, but every viewer’s mind feels burnt after viewing.

In it, the Rogan complains about gay folk, trans folk, & women folk, on rotation, for the entire period. He sporadically adds comments about which races of Man he dislikes, & promotes general conservative politics. Many have wondered, “How could such an unthinkable blob shout such hateful, unfunny things?”

While exploring here in the Demonweb, mortals, I FOUND THE ANSWER. He was not born, but made, & slumbers nightly in a HATERATION CHAMBER. His mind full of bad fantasy & worse philosophy, the Rogan subsists on whey protein & the runoff fluids from Alex Jones. Bigotry will transform any comedian into an unfunny boor, but when one begins with no talent whatsoever, as the Rogan did, its effects magnify.

If ye ever encounter the Rogan, having thine own insalubrious Joe Rogan Experience, I recommend simply walking away. If he follows, simply blow gently in his direction, & the doughty triangle-being shall topple over, allowing ye time to find safety. Do not, under any circumstances, attempt to speak to the creature; he will not understand ye, & shall grow angry if ye use any word above one syllable.

Use this dark knowledge WISELY, mortals! & please join us Friday night at 8PM Pacific to learn HOW I SPENT MY SUMMERSBANECATION!

Thank ye to all who read our dispatches, to all who send them to others, & we especially thank all those who can & do spare $5 monthly to support our works!

Until Friday—in the meantime, be safe, be well, & be encased in Sun-screen!

Cheers,
Amoenus Franco
Wizard, Writer, Joe Rogan Experiencer