Shhh: The Chamber of Rest

MORTALS—this Friday, Cynthia Weatherwax joins me in the CHAMBER OF REST! Trips to renaissance faires, though delightful, require REGENERATION. We leave it all on the stage, for MAXIMUM ENTERTAINMENT. But the show must go on, & so I shall stream e’en as I recover—& I must pray that no foes arrive to disturb me…be there, Friday at 8PT!

On our return trip from the mountain, I stopped by my Calendarium, that I might bring ye the OCTOBER FORECAST! Read on, to know what ye must to survive this rising spooky season:

The October Forecast
Divined at the Witchingest Hour, for Mortal Benefit

• This scorched October menaces with an aura of BLOODLUST. Cold, yet hot, shivering all good souls, & brought to ye by RAYTHEON™. “Raytheon—as American as apple die!”

• A certain POPULAR SONG from 1904 shall return to dominate the radio waves; terrifyingly, the singer shall ALSO RETURN.

• Expect SENTIENT RAIN, but do not drink it. It shall not LIKE THAT.

• On October 11th, Raytheon shall debut a brand-new weapon to excite investors & warmongers alike! This item brought to you, at gunpoint, by Raytheon™. “Raytheon—our stock & body count go UP!”

• That SMELL will not GO AWAY on its own. Clean up that mess.

• Democrats & Republicans shall unite for bipartisan action that shall UPSET EVERYONE.

• WAR, yet again. This item is not sponsored by Raytheon, but in a way, ‘tis.

• Carve ye a JACK-OF-THE-LANTERN—yet not of PUMPKIN! For only traditional ones of TURNIP shall survive the rampage of the TAPROOT TERROR.

• Ham, ham, ryebread seed—avoid SOUTH DAKOTA on OCTOBER THREE. Beef, beef, Dutch crunch hunch—someone then shall be EATEN FOR LUNCH!

• CHAPPELL ROAN shall see her shadow, presaging six more weeks of ELECTION. So sorry.

• NOTE: In a previous forecast, I declared that J.D. Vance would indeed prove himself to be normal. Tim Walz ensured that came true at the debate, going out of his way to declare how much he agrees with Vance, & that Vance is kind &c. I must therefore, reluctantly, say both “I TOLD YE SO” & also “SEE? MAGICK IS REAL.”

• Lucky numbers: ACHTUNG! ACHTUNG! FUNF—EIN—EIN—ZWEI—ZECHS—FUNF. ACHTUNG! ACHTUNG!

• Samhain shall bring more TREATS than TRICKS. However, Hallowe’en COULD GO EITHER WAY. Bring extra Twix™ & ritual salt, just in case.

I hope this scrying proves useful, mortals! Thank ye for reading, I look forward to celebrating Samhain with ye later this month, & we thank maxime those who can & do generously provide $5 monthly to support these works!

I shall write ye Saturday with some fresh art, assuming I am able to fully RECOVER MINE ENERGIES. Join Cynthia & I in the Chamber of Rest, Friday at 8PT! Until then, be safe, be well, & KEEP IT DOWN, for I AM RESTING.

Cheers,
Amoenus Franco
Wizard, Writer, Odinsleeper