Ready for Arachnotheosis?

Friday we confront LLOTH—the spiderous spectre haunting our every step in the Abyss, the Spider Queen of the Demonweb Pits, our CAPTOR & GUEST! Our quest for arcane ascension must resume, & what better way than by confronting a deity? Will we escape? Will we disappoint our deity, impress them—usurp them? Find out this Friday at 8PT, as we attempt ARACHNOTHEOSIS!

Never have ye ever confronted a deity before? FEAR NOT. I have prepared a simple DO ET DO NOT for ye, right here:

DO et DO NOT:
Meeting the Spider Queen

DO: Kneel & supplicate. Lloth demands it!
DO NOT: Stand & pontificate. Lloth hates it!

DO: Bring a spider. “Spiders” is kind of their whole “deal,” alongside “causing chaos.”
DO NOT: Squish the spider (this was my error, for which we were cast into the Demonweb in the first place…)

DO: Badmouth other deities. Lloth will eat it up, which will delay them eating THEE.
DO NOT: Badmouth spiders. That may seem obvious, but many mortals cannot help themselves.

DO: Avoid picking up the platinum egg left behind when Lloth flees the Prime Material Plane (as depicted in the classic Q1 “The Demonweb Pits”).
DO NOT: Pick up that egg. This is SERIOUS. It features a horrid geas which compels ye to enter the Demonweb, plus, ‘tis SLIMY.

DO: Bring a magical weapon (of at least +1 enchantment), gallons of holy water, & several scrolls of Lower Resistance (as Lloth naturally sports 70% magic resistance).
DO NOT: Let Lloth find out ye brought any of that to thy friendly talk show appearance. They will be SO mad, & ye shall be SO slain.

DO: Prepare many questions, to allow the deity to talk about themself while ye prepare the holy water.
DO NOT: Spend the whole time talking about thyself. ‘Tis both rude, & tactically unsound!

& finally, DO: Allow the deity time for plugs.
DO NOT: Allow the deity time for escaping through one of their enchanted mirrors, which shatters into a million pieces after they use it. Ye shall NE’ER find them again, not even with a Pigeon of Booking.

I hope ye feel somewhat more prepared for ARACHNOTHEOSIS, mortals! If not, if we fail, well, fear not: I am told life as a horrid half-spider DRIDER can be quite fun!

Half-spider I may become, but for now, I am full-gratitude! Thank ye to all who read our dispatches, to all who send them to others, & we especially thank all those who can & do spare $5 monthly to support our works!

Until Friday—be safe, be well, & MAKE PEACE WITH DIVINITY!

Cheers,
Amoenus Franco
Wizard, Writer, Quietly putting back up every cobweb he has ever cleansed