Prepare for Tarot Total!

PLUS—my essential May Forecast!

Author

Amoenus Franco
April 30, 2025

A kindly Wednesday to ye, mortals! I bring HAPPY NEWS: this Friday, HEXENGRETCHEN returns for a special TAROT TOTAL! HexenGretchen, Summersbane, & myself shall all offer our divinatory services FREELY, to all who need them! & who among ye can turn down clarity in these jumbled times of misrule & misorder? BE THERE, Friday at 8PT!

Find also below my monthly forecast for May—a service I happily provide from my Calendarium, for the benefit of all mortals! Only a fool would stroll into this anxious May unawares…

The May Forecast
Divined in a Lovely Late-Spring Chill, for Mortal Benefit

  • This MAY lazes about with an aura of STEELY UNCERTAINTY. This year’s chaos continues to harden, sharpen, & swing with wild abandon. DUCK

  • AVOID the region of EARTH during this havoc-ravaged month, IF possible.

  • ELON MUSK, the world’s MOST EMBARRASSING BARON, shall fall into a new world of MADNESS after he begins HUFFING GASES with KANYE WEST. Tesla’s stock price shall then, for some reason, INCREASE.

  • Several EASTER EGGS, left unfound after that pastel day, shall HATCH. The ensuing BIRD TUBERCULOSIS shall spare none.

  • A shining TRAIN leaves SACRAMENTO, at 74 MILES PER HOUR. At the same time, a rusty TRAIN leaves AUSTIN, at 61 MILES PER HOUR. At what point will the OPERATIVES exchange their DETONATORS? FIND OUT SOON.

  • APRIL’S SHOWERS shall yield, as expected, MAY FLOWERS. But the emergence of MAY MAGMA shall take many by surprise.

  • A certain EXTRAORDINARY YOUNG MAN shall have a VERY NICE BIRTHDAY on the 4th.

  • FAVOURABLE PORTENTS: Choose this May for any PUBLIC AGITATION, DEFIANCE OF THE POLICE STATE, SEA VOYAGES, & RENAISSANCE FAIRES. All such activities shall SUCCEED this month!

  • UNFAVOURABLE PORTENTS: Delay all HORSE PURCHASES, KIDNAPPINGS, PERSONAL BRAND LAUNCHES, & all FILMS BASED ON THE BELOVED COMIC SERIES THUNDERBOLTS . Endeavours of these types, in this month, shall DISAPPOINT.

  • Lucky numbers: 0100001001001111010011110100001001010011. Do NOT reveal these numbers in POLITE COMPANY.

Thank ye for reading, mortals, & thank ye especial to those generous beings who can & do support our works here with coin!

I hope ye shall join us Friday at 8PT, & receive tarot readings from our powerful triumwizate! ‘Til then—be safe, be well, & keep an eye out for that May magma…

Cheers,
Amoenus Franco
Wizard, Writer, Sage of Future Past

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