Prepare for the Demonweb National Convention!

PLUS—My CPAC talking points

Author

Amoenus Franco
August 21, 2024

Featuring DJ Cassidy

Oyez, mortals—this Friday at 8PT, we shall call the DEMONWEB NATIONAL CONVENTION to order! Featuring an appearance by Cynthia Weatherwax, & excellent analysis by Amoenus et Summersbane, this DNC shall determine the FUTURE OF THE ABYSS! Who knows which celebs, politicos, & demons may appear? Shall there be a DJ??? FIND OUT FRIDAY!

In the meantime—scroll below to enjoy the secret talking points from my appearance at CPAC—the “Conjuror Political Action Coven!”

This is the non-evil CPAC

MAGE’S EYES ONLY — SPEAKER NOTES, AMOENUS FRANCO
AB URBE CONDITA, 2777

  • Open with joke (perhaps reference silly mortal situation, like mortality)

  • Emphasize differences between evil, Mortal CPAC & progressive, Conjuror CPAC:

    • Mortal CPAC seems dedicated to emphasizing racism, bigotry, Alex Jones, etc.

    • Conjuror CPAC is dedicated to hexing all of the above, plus, annual Burger Feast.

    • Mortal CPAC fears fictional “War on Christmas,” but seems averse to actual Christmas behavior.

    • Conjuror CPAC plots actual War on Hell, to seize treasures to give to the poor, just like on Christmas.

    • Mortal CPAC has no pool, billiards, nor pinball.

    • Conjuror CPAC has all three, plus the annual Burger Feast.

    • &c.

  • Point out Nixon in crowd, ask “Who let him in here?” Repeat for Kissinger, Hillary Clinton, Vince McMahon, & so forth, until crowd grows bored.

  • Once crowd goes bored, charm nearest attendee, & polymorph them into a Bill Gates.

  • Proceed to battle this faux-Gates in single combat.

  • Best him, hoisting his glasses up for all to see.

  • Then, don glasses, & proceed with complex talk on the economic ramifications of the “War on Hell.”

    • c.f. “Speaker Notes, Appendix A: Charts & Graphs of Hell-War”

  • Close with joke (perhaps reference silly mortal belief, like money)

Feel free to copy mine notes for thine own oratory, mortals! & please join us Friday night at 8PM Pacific for the DEMONWEB NATIONAL CONVENTION!

Thank ye to all who read our dispatches, to all who send them to others, & we especially thank all those who can & do spare $5 monthly to support our works!

Until Friday—be safe, be well, & be excited for parliamentary procedure!

Cheers,
Amoenus Franco
Wizard, Writer, Eldest Delegate of All Time

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