Off To...Space Camp!

Wednesday’s greetings, mortals! This Friday at 8PT, we seize the grand prize we unlocked last week—a trip for two to SPACE CAMP! A place of wonder, & Natural Philosophy, & a place safe for children—& thus, one safe for us! Nothing shall go wrong, all shall go right, join us Friday 8PT at SPACE CAMP!

Some mortals—particularly those only recently emergèd from the womb, still gasping for breath through slime—may not know of Space Camp, nor its importance. I shall aid ye:

Space Camp still exists today, but in the 1990s, there were three outposts of this most American of activities. Combining the excitement of Science Camp, with the thrills of space, Space Camp offers edutainment, plus, a glimpse into a more hopeful time.

In the 1980s & 1990s, billionaire vultures had not yet stolen space away. The sky were not filled with Musk’s satellite litter; Bezos were not yet spraying champagne at a weeping Bill Shatner. The foul profit motive, had not yet conquered the stars. In this time—the heyday of the space shuttle—people still dreamt of traveling to space, purely to be in space. To explore, experience, experiment! & at Space Camp, for a mere exorbitant amount of money, children could try out an astronaut’s regimen, & simulate a space shuttle mission—because profit had absolutely already conquered Earth.

But how did anyone hear of it? “Did this…‘Space Camp,’ as ye call it,” I hear ye sneer, “run advertisements?” & aye, it did—but not the sort ye imagine. Space Camp conquered the hearts & minds of children by inserting itself into the most nefarious advertisements of all: game show prizes.

O, how insidious, the game show prize! A child sees a pair of light-up B.K. Ratch-Tech, & the announcer tells ye all children wish to possess them—& thus too, doth the child believe they wish to possess them. E’en though the child heard naught of them before that moment, nor saw them e’en once in a store—suddenly, expensive British Knights shoes become an object of immense desire. & so too, with Space Camp, which secured the “grand prize” spot on many a children’s game show.

When some crafty child navigated the adult producers’ wily trials, & they secured that trip to the magickal land of SPACE, hearts filled with joy:

Interestingly, mortal adults may still attend Space Camp, if ye possess a spare Eight Hundo. Plus, o’course, the cost—both monetary, & mental—of travel to Alabama.

Thank ye for reading—& thank ye to the growing cadre of generous mortals who can & do support our works here with coin!

I hope ye shall join us Friday for a totally-safe evening at SPACE CAMP! I shall write ye again Saturday afternoon. ‘Til then—be safe, be well, & remember to pack thy space-underpants…

Cheers,
Amoenus Franco
Wizard, Writer, GOING TO SPACE CAMP