Notes of Bunker Fevery, Trivia, & a Goblin Guide™

Last night brought RELIEF to our BUNKER FEVER—a dash of goblin madness was just what the Doctour of Physick ordered! We presented monologue jokes based on news from EVERY UNIVERSE—every story true, but all of them insane! We reviewed the R.A.S.P.U.T.I.N. System for HYPER-PROFIT. & we helped Slurs the Toilet, our goblin friend, guide young Aiydenn through the Subterranean Goblin Tunnels Network that lies beneath the Americas! If ye missed out, catch the replay over on Twitch!

Below I shall relay the proper directions for S.G.T.N. transit ‘twixt New York & Austin—but first! Let us see who recalls the R.A.S.P.U.T.I.N. System…

Did ye recall correctly? I hope so! The R.A.S.P.U.T.I.N. System is a must-know for anyone attempting to conduct business in 2024—success in business depends upon R.A.S.P.U.T.I.N.! But, enow! Let us turn to the ESSENTIAL INFORMATION portion of this missive: the detailed directions for navigating from New York to Austin using the Subterranean Goblin Tunnels Network…

From New York to Austin, a Goblin Guide™

Neither WizWorld LIVE nor Slurs the Toilet (Goblin disguised as Man) are responsible for any injury, slimes, destitution, nor capture which may occur. User assumes all liability, particularly regarding encounters with spiders, orcs, anime nerds, & so forth.

1. In New York City, enter the nearest HOLE (any).

2. Pass through the SPIDER’S PIT, & obtain a muscular SPIDER-MAN.

3. Enter the HALL OF ANIMANIA, being sure to avoid the OTAKU & acquire a GUNDAM™.

4. Sidle into the FUNGI LOUNGE, domain of the MUSHROOM-MEN, & harvest their friendship.

5. Riding atop a SPIDER-MAN, toting FUNGI-FRAGMENTS, wearing GUNDAM™ components, stride into the DROW’S LUXURY with pride! Take in a bit of their sadistic cabaret, secure in the knowledge that they would never harm someone who has tamed a SACRED SPIDER. A friend of the spiders, is a friend of the Drow…

6. Full of entertainment, step now into the ORCODROME, where the ORCS play HANDBALL. It is essential that ye conduct thyself with confidence, & also, that ye defeat the ORCS at HANDBALL. For Aiydenn, this is no trouble at all.

7. Ye will, at this point, see the SUN. Do NOT approach it. If ye exit here, ye will wind up at the CYCLOPS’ HOUSE, & he will LOOK at ye. Need I say more?

8. Passing the Sun, ye should angle then toward the GRUBBERY, which is full of GRUBS, and also, TIMON & PUMBAA. They have DIED, & this is their VALHALLA.

9. After filling up on cartoon grubs, head toward the BIG LAKE. Traverse it normally, & ye will then exit in NORTH AUSTIN, near the DISC GOLF COURSE at WELLS BRANCH.

Huzzah! Ye have arrived in Austin, Texas! What a journey ye had—& faster than AMTRAK, even!

We wish our friends a delightful FIGHT OPERA, & we thank all who came to watch our show last night! Our chatters cooked up a hype train, & we received a donation from RASPUTIN (as thanks for his new computer). ‘Twas, in all, the best night of BUNKER FEVER anyone has e’er had.

If ye have enjoyed this newsletter, please, spread it to a friend! GROW THE COVEN! & we would appreciate it very kindly if ye would consider supporting our work with $5 monthly in coin. Gratias agimus, deeply, to all who have signed up here in the Scriptorium, & we shall work to ensure we remain worthy of thy support!

I shall write ye again Monday—with Part I of a new SUMMERSBANE SAGA, plus news of our first PODCAST EPISODE of 2024! Much to look forward to. Until then, have a MOST EXCELLENT WEEKEND!

Cheers,
Amoenus Franco
Writer, Wizard, Bunker-Enfevered