Ninth Night—Entomb 2025 with us!

New Year’s Eve greetings, mortals! Friday at 8PT we shall celebrate NINTH NIGHT, & conduct our annual New Year ritual to ENTOMB 2025! Immure this wretched year with us—bring memories, good & ill, that ye would like fore’er cast into stone! We shall wassail, commiserate, & enjoy a classic Cynthia monologue all on NINTH NIGHT, be there!

BELOW—find my grand 2026 Forecast! Divined in my Calendarium, after I hung all of mortal-kind’s newest, most precise calendars. Continue on for the written version, & ye may also tap here for an AUDIO EDITION!

The 2026 Forecast
Divined at 2025’s Final Midnight, for Mortal Benefit
To listen to the audio edition, with jokes & context readers shall ne’er know,hear it here!

• This dreaded 2026 menaces us with an aura of COLD INEVITABILITY. A jagged ingot of CONSEQUENCE, studded with razored hunks of “OH C’MON”

• Expect THE HOTTEST YEAR ON RECORD, narrowly beating out the previous hottest year on record, which was 2025.

• Expect WAR, POVERTY, & the return of THE EXPENSIVE TRENDY DOUGHNUT.

• Despite all, 2026 shall still feature BIRTHDAYS, SAMHAIN, HALLOWE’EN, YULE, & CHRISTMAS. It shall also feature, the LAST FLAG DAY. Ill deeds await us all on what will soon be FORMERLY known as FLAG DAY.

I shall also provide a few QUATRAINS for the year—a format I pioneered, which that vile worm NOSTRADAMUS stole from me—but first, a few items from last year’s predictions, which came inexorably TRUE:

• I foresaw that “Happy Gilmore 2 shall disappoint, surprising no one.”

  • TRUE; none were surprised.

• I foresaw that “One fish, two fish, dead fish, no fish: expect a run on seafood in the deadly Summer. The wise shall gird their ponds.”

  • TRUE. Sockeye salmon fisheries reported shortages, Dungeness crab harvesting again were temporarily outlawed—& across the world, but particularly in California, many ponds & rivers were returned to wiser, Native hands.

• I foresaw that “Alive without breath, As cold as death; Never thirsty, ever drinking, All in mail never clinking. (ANSWER: Nancy Pelosi).”

  • TRUE; no explanation required.

Can any still doubt my powers?

• FAIR PORTENTS: I sat in the rain, observing the crawling of worms, & the nibblings of snails. My findings indicate this coming year shall be an auspicious one for—GROWING COMMUNITY; LOVING ONE’S COMRADES; & LEAVING THE RICH BEHIND.

• ILL OMENS: There too, I meditated upon the rotting of leaves & the drowning of ants. The grim results indicate that in 2026 only the self-destructive would dare embark upon—GROWING A “COMMUNITY: THE MOVIE” FAN WEB-SITE; LOVING ONE’S BOSSES; or KISSING A RICH BEHIND.

• Lucky numbers for 2026: 46 52 45 45 44 4f 4d 20 49 53 20 4f 55 52 53 20 54 4f 20 53 45 49 5a 45 2c 20 49 46 20 57 45 20 4c 4f 56 45 20 4f 4e 45 20 41 4e 4f 54 48 45 52 20 45 4e 4f 55 47 48 20 54 4f 20 53 45 49 5a 45 20 49 54

Finally, a few QUATRAINS, whose meanings the wisest may ascertain before they come to pass:

In the sixth month, at Sunset,
the Lion & the Dragon meet on the battlefield.
The fatigued Lion looks up to Heaven
& suffers Judgment for its slaughter.

Two evil influences in conjunction in Sagittarius.
A lowly king persecutes the Poor,
in the newly-liberated Lands of Califia.
The liberation must be won afresh.

A silver trumpet shakes with great discord.
Agreements broken: lifting its face to Heaven,
the bloody mouth will swim with blood,
& CoreWeave, Core Scientific, & SoftBank shall go out of business.

O, such Mystery! Have the eyes to see, the ears to hear, that ye may divine from these Quatrains what cometh? I believe ye may…

A pleasantly chilly month ahead, mortals—but I simply see what I see. I hope together, we may make the best of it! & I hope as well, this information makes itself useful swiftly.

Thank ye for reading—& thank ye to the growing cadre of generous mortals who can & do support our works here with coin!

I shall write ye Saturday with a major New Year’s dispatch, after NINTH NIGHT! Bring some memories with ye Friday at 8PT! ‘Til 2026—be safe, be well, & beware any lesser prophets…

Cheers,
Amoenus Franco
Wizard, Writer, Nostradamusbane