Man-Morial Day!

PLUS—the June Forecast!

Author

Amoenus Franco
May 28, 2025

HO, MORTALS! Our intercalary shows continue—this week, we offer an especial holiday broadcast, MAN-MORIAL DAY! Normally only available on closed-cavern trashovision, for the first time, we secured exclusive surface broadcast rights! SLURS THE TOILET & LI’L AIYDENN shall face off, as Summersbane & myself are joined by ROY HAMMER to judge: WHO IS MEANEST TO SURFACE MEN? Plus they have much to tell of the forthcoming Fight Opera show! Join us Friday at 8PT—& men of the surface world, BEWARE.

BELOW—find this month’s Forecast! I stepped into my Calendarium to peer ahead into the tension-filled June that lies in wait. Slather on this sorcerous sunscreen, mortals—ye MUST face June forewarned!

The June Forecast
Sleepily Divined, for Mortal Benefit

  • This uneasy JUNE threatens us with an aura of MOLTEN GLASS. Unbearable HEAT, flowing about. ACK.

  • The NEW POPE—whose politics I CORRECTLY PREDICTED in a previous forecast—shall STUN THE WORLD when he unveils the new PAPAL BIKINI. Habemvs Hot Papam!

  • A once-BELOVED ACTRESS shall ruin her reputation by saying SOMETHING HATEFUL about Palestinian folk, while in a POOL. #BeachBod!

  • A SHARK closes down a MAJOR BEACH on America’s SOUTH COAST, after it PURCHASES THE BEACH to turn it into BAD CONDOS. Watch out!

  • During a perfectly normal NUDE CANOE EXPEDITION, an ENGINEER shall make a discovery that CHANGES EVERYTHING.

  • “HOT TODAY, ISN’T IT?,” the KILLER shall say.

  • If ye spot a LIFEGUARD with a ROBOT HAND, do NOT let him KISS YE.

  • Find a PENNY, PICK IT UP. All the day, ye shall PREVENT A TRAIN DERAILMENT.

  • A tragically WEALTHY MAN shall receive an AWARD HE PURCHASED.

  • Avoid the BIG SURF COMPETITION; that no-good troublemaker JOHNNY GARLICCIONI is looking for ye, & I do not think he wishes to SHAKE THY HAND.

  • WAR; this has become something of a FREE SPACE.

  • The WAITER will, in fact, MEAN IT.

  • DUCK

  • A certain NICE LADY shall have a lovely birthday up in NORTHERN CALIFORNIA.

  • A certain WIZARD shall have a lovely birthday down in SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA.

  • RED STAR rising, horizon aflame. MOON shines brightly, revealing a SECRET NAME.

  • POSITIVE OMENS—I espied SEVEN SEAGULLS DANCING! In June, the following endeavours are likely to SUCCEED: long JOURNEYS; short PRESENTATIONS; telling him HOW YE FEEL; screaming at POLITICIANS; & CHESS.

  • NEGATIVE OMENS—I also espied AN EAGLE WITH A TOUPEE. That means the following endeavours are likely to FAIL this June: long ENGAGEMENTS; short REHEARSALS; avoiding WOLVES; screaming at MIRRORS; & WARHAMMER.

A tough month ahead, mortals—but I simply see what I see. I hope together, we may make the best of it! & I hope as well, this information makes itself useful swiftly.

Thank ye for reading—& thank ye to the growing cadre of generous mortals who can & do support our works here with coin!

I shall write ye Saturday with a fresh dispatch—after we crown this year’s MAN-MORIAL DAY champion! JOIN US THERE FRIDAY! ‘Til then—be safe, be well, & be kind to any goblins ye meet.

Cheers,
Amoenus Franco
Wizard, Writer, Pre-Hot

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