Magick Monday: Mirror Affirmations

Mortal—MORTAL! Gaze upon thy mirror this Monday morning, for I am TRAPPED WITHIN. I shall spare ye the details—a spell gone awry, upset demi-hippo, silver coins spilt, &c.—but suffice it to say, if I do not aid ye in POSITIVELY AFFIRMING thyself, I cannot escape. So please, I BEG YE, read on & repeat whichever of these affirmations rings truest to thy soul:

I am how I am, & will love what I can be.

I am confident. I think.

I can stop at seven doughnuts.

I am kind. I am smart. My foes are cruel, & stupid. My kindness shall smash them upon the rocks of Hell.

I am pretty. Just look at me. Wow, yum! Good enough to eat! As a cannibal would.

Today, I shall be victorious. Today, the children shall know fear.

The Virtuous are cursèd, so I must be pretty great.

Happiness is a choice, & ‘tis out of my hands.

I can cuss if I feel like it.

My enormous schnoz helps me smell better.

I will grow today, in power or grace.

One of us tells only lies; the other, only truths. But this is a mirror, so I may be simply insane.

At least I am not a cop.

Nothing new under the Sun. All new things hide on the Moon.

Better a cautionary tale than a total geek.

The world owes me nothing, & today I shall collect.

I’ll show them. I’ll show them all!

The world needs managers, & I am not a drain on society.

I am Maximus Decimus Meridius, loyal servant to the true emperor Marcus Aurelius. Father to a murdered son—Husband to a murdered wife—& I will have a great day today!

My underpants are on the right way.

I can be anything, even a loser.

Me smart. Them dumb.

Soup cannot hurt me. Unless ‘tis too hot.

O, Spirits of the Mirror! Release the Wizard trapped within! I banish all thoughts of captivity, neutralize all motes of imprisonment! Confound the demi-hippo, set the Magus free!

I am freed! O, wise mortal, ye have my thanks! I apologize for the deception, in tricking you into reading the spell to liberate me. But, I hope ye feel affirmed anyway? As a gift for freeing me from thy mirror, please scroll below to find delightful mirages from this weekend’s meadieval birthday party, in shady STUD CITY.

Thank ye for reading, for spreading the good word of our coven, & thank ye all who can & do supply $5 monthly to power our works! I shall write ye again come Wednesday, with advance news of Friday’s sojourn into the DEMONWEB PITS. Until then, be safe, be well, & be AFFIRMATIVE.

Cheers,
Amoenus Franco
I am a Wizard, I am a Writer, I am