Ho, mortals! Can ye hear me?? I write ye from atop ORTHANC, the tower of SARUMAN (aka, Forrest of RadioFreeMultiverse)! Tom Bombadil trapped us here last week—but the show MUST GO ON. & so, we shall present—alongside our captor Saruman—an ISENGARD PUBLIC OFFERING! Then, we hope, escape…be there, Friday at 8PT on Twitch! Bring an enormous amount of CAPITAL!! Until then, I present to ye the…

APRIL FORECAST

Some newsletters bring ye news of what is—but in the Scriptorium, every month, we bring news of WHAT SHALL BE. Read on for the choicest items from my latest augury…

• This April’s overall aura is BLOSSOM. There shall be much growth, much color, & also much DEADLY POLLEN. Bring a camera, & a tissue.

• Seven CELEBRITIES shall WED seven civilians, & DIVORCE in seven months, costing SEVEN MILLIONS.

• HE shall DISAPPOINT THEE, but not how he USUALLY DOES.

• The S&P 500 shall be implicated in a MURDER, but the DOW JONES INDUSTRIAL AVERAGE shall be arrested for it.

• Ere the 3rd hour of the Red Day, look for a sale on CHOCOLATE CHIP MUFFINS—that shall be the SIGN TO ACT.

• That avocado is NOT STILL GOOD.

• If ye SEE SOMETHING, say NOTHING, lest ye be hunted by THE STENTORIAN SHUSHER.

• A zoo in IOWA shall be purchased by A MONKEY. It shall go IMMEDIATELY BANKRUPT, ending with the monkey being put IN JAIL (another zoo).

• MORE WAR. Truly wish I could cease foreseeing this

• Remember to BUY SOAP, ahead of the forthcoming BLOOD-HAIL.

• Lucky Numbers: 8-0-0-8-5

THUS ENDETH THE FORECAST. I hope this foreknowledge proves useful—& I hope ye shall join us Friday at 8PT for our ISENGARD PUBLIC OFFERING!

If we escape & survive the show Friday, I shall write ye again on Saturday with some fresh art & wizardry! I thank ye for taking the time to read, I thank all who have signed up to support our work with $5 monthly, & I hope April treats ye well! I hope, at least, ye are not trapped atop the tower of Saruman, once wisest of my order, now cold & perilous…

Cheers,
Amoenus Franco
Wizard, Writer, Roof-Dweller