Imbolcing Up!

Celebrate Imbolc with us Friday, mortals—we all need some IMBOLCING UP! In addition to a fresh monologue from Cynthia Weatherwax, we bring ye TWO honored guests: Reed & Aleks of STORYQUEST!

Halfway ‘twixt Winter & Spring, Imbolc marks a time of preparation for sowing, of feasting, & also very specifically of milking the ewes. We will likely not milk any ewes during the show, BUT, I stepped into my Calendarium to peek at what the future holds! Below, find the FEBRUARY FORECAST!

The February Forecast
Divined at Great Peril, for Mortal Benefit

• This grim February threatens us with an aura of LUSTROUS CHAOS. Mayhem at any hour, madness in every minute! What a horrible aura!

• The SUPER BOWL—normally an orgy of MILITARY PROPAGANDA, with CLOYING ADS for JUNK ye never need, & SMALL amounts of FOOTBALL—shall shock the world when it deploys a new technology known as “NUDOVISION.”

• With coffee imports hampered by self-destructive TARIFFS, Americans on this VALENTINE’S DAY turn to a new romantic after-dinner beverage: MOLTEN STEEL. The fad lasts LONGER THAN IS HEALTHY.

• A CAR with FIVE WHEELS shall run over a MAN with FOUR LEGS, while THREE REPUBLICANS with NO HEARTS cheer.

• At this year’s “GROUNDHOG DAY” ceremony, Punxsutawney Phil shall perform an UNAMBIGUOUS SALUTE. This sadly indicates six more weeks of AMERICAN NAZISM.

• Democrats & Republicans shall unite for an BIPARTISAN ACTION that shall UPSET EVERYONE. This shall happen EVERY DAY.

• KISSES plummet in value after Valentine’s Day; this month, a wise investor ought to move all assets into SMOOCHES.

• WAR, of course, but not where ye EXPECT.

• DICK CHENEY, where ye DO EXPECT.

• When the WIND blows in the NORTH, no FISHERMAN should set forth. When the WIND blows UNDERGROUND, then the MOLE-MEN are around. Stock up on CHOCOLATE & ROSES; these MOLE-MEN need love TOO.

• Avoid GALENTINE’S DAY; for GALEN knew VERY LITTLE about actual medicine nor anatomy, & any GAL attempting surgery by his scrolls is no PAL at all.

• Lucky numbers: 36-24-36, the “WINNING HAND.”

I wish I had a brighter forecast for ye, mortals, but I only see what the runes & stones portend. I hope this presage shall be of use!

Thank ye all who read these missives, share them with friends, & we extend even more thanks to those generous mortals who can & do support our works with upgrades here in the Scriptorium!

I look forward to IMBOLCING UP with ye Friday night! & then on Saturday, I shall write ye with an especial ONE-YEAR-ANNIVERSARY missive! Yea, we opened this Scriptorium back on January 25th of 2024, if ye can believe it! Feels like æons ago, ne?

In the meantime—be safe, be well, & be on the lookout for those MOLE-MEN. Seriously, mortals, BEWARE THE MOLE-MEN

Cheers,
Amoenus Franco
Wizard, Writer, No Friend of the Mole-Men