Hooray for Hellywood!

DATELINE: HELLYWOOD—Sources close to the studio today revealed that BEL-CASH-ZZAR will return to WizWorld LIVE this Friday, airing at 8PM Pacific (11PM Eastern)! Swept up by the money-mania ravaging Hellywood, BCZ shall divulge the industry’s vilest secrets. & on their quest for Arcane Ascension, the wizards may have found a shortcut! Tune in Friday (to be followed by a rerun of “X-Files”).

PUBLIC RELATIONS STATEMENT REGARDING THE CASHY AWARDS
By Slorvan the Horrid, Publicist

FOUL MORTALS! COWER BEFORE THE MIGHTY WORDS OF SLORVAN THE HORRID, PUBLICIST TO BEL-CASH-ZZAR! BEL-CASH-ZZAR, LORD OF HELL, MASTER OF FINANCE, PRINCE OF THE PENNY-ANGLED THRONE, & NEWLY-LICENSED TALENT AGENT!

The highly-anticipated Cashy Awards, set for broadcast on October 18th, have been rescheduled for DECEMBER. This move is to allow Bel-Cash-Zzar to take advantage of the FEMA funds currently flowing around the Accursed States’ Southeastern Seaboard. Many mortals, refusing aid on the advice of lecherous half-wit Donald Trump, have increased the ambient arbitrage opportunities. Bel-Cash-Zzar will spend Wednesday & Thursday preying upon loose government funds, & price-gouging any locals lucky enough to cross his unholy path.

The funds will be used to craft a state-of-the-art Audience Voting system, whereupon unworthy mortals shall be allowed to cast their measly votes for who should win awards such as “Most Evil Commercial,” & “Foulest New App,” & “Absolute Bastard.” BE ON THE LOOKOUT FOR THIS OPPORTUNITY! COUNT THY BLESSINGS THAT YE ARE ALLOWED A BALLOT AT ALL! SHUT UP, & VOTE!

SO SAYETH SLORVAN THE HORRID, MOUTHPIECE OF THE MALEVOLENT!

We indeed are working on a fantastic ballot system, & turning the Cashies into an UNFORGETTABLE EVENT. Verily, the Cashy Awards continue their migration toward Winter, but Bel-Cash-Zzar joins us Friday! BONUS BEL-CASH-ZZAR!! I hope ye are excited to learn of his Hellywood secrets, plus the revolutionary new spiritual technology that Summersbane & I discovered!

Thank ye to all who read our dispatches, who have fun with us in “chat” & on various “web-sites,” & of course to all the kindly generous mortals who contribute bits, subs, & Scriptorium upgrades to support our works!

I shall write ye Saturday with more! In the meantime, be safe, be well, & be receptive to hearing about the greatest ascension path ever discovered, which is not a scam!

Cheers,
Amoenus Franco
Wizard, Writer, Level 7 Ascendant Hierophant