Hellywood II: The Day After

Who's living the Amoenean Dream?

Author

Amoenus Franco
October 19, 2024

“I hope you had fun flirting with ex-Goth Millennials in Elf ears”

Last night, Bel-Cash-Zzar took us on a whirlwind tour of Hollywood’s horrors! ‘Twas truly one for the ages—no matter what Roc-A-Fella’s lawyers claim! If ye missed out, or need to review the evidence to shore up an impending lawsuit against us, catch the replay here!

BCZ leading us in a somber prayerpology

Also, Summersbane & I unveiled two plans for jump-starting our ascension! Unfortunately, we also realized that we are simply insufficiently-ardent wealthmongers, & our plans would likely fail immediately due to a weakness of sales rigor.

SUMMERSBANE’S BEANERY
& MYSTERY CULT

  • Family-style dining & mystery-style religion

  • Franchise fees start at $250,000 (or more, if ye seem like a sufficient sucker)

  • Summersbane IP Holdings GmbH licenses rights to the name, & the arcane secrets, to all franchisees

  • Premier-grade food suppliers who work with nationally-beloved brands (Denny’s™, In-N-Out™, Raytheon™)

  • Sun WILL be blotted out

  • Villain-grade ritual suppliers who work with nationally-behated foes (J.D. Vance, Benjamin Netanyahu, Elvis II)

  • Official post-ritual hangout spot for members of the Amoenean Dream

THE AMOENEAN DREAM

  • Artistic enrichment & political infiltration training

  • Accessible rituals for all ages

  • Cheaper start-up costs than Summersbane’s Beanery, but with zero potential for profit

  • Members will learn accents, short-form rituals, long-form rituals, & eventually induct themselves to the elite Knowers of Harold

  • Job opportunities for program graduates at any local Summersbane’s Beanery

  • Eventually all politics will be ruled by the Amoenean Dream

  • Levels will continue to be added as Dreamers run out of ways to spend money

  • Grad shows offered, despite the fact that they are never very good

Two paths to ascension, one golden inspiration

I hope ye enjoyed the show, mortals, & I shall continue looking for healthier paths to ascension for us all.

Thank ye for watching, thank ye for such delightful chattery, & thank ye extry much to the mortals who gave us bits, & subscribed, & to those upgradors who support our works directly in the Scriptorium!

Monday I shall write ye with the second part of my Samhain adventure! Until then, be safe, be well, & be on the lookout for any self-styled prophets offering glory (or improv) for a price…

Cheers,
Amoenus Franco
Wizard, Writer, Level VII Haroldor

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