Happy Birthday, Summersbane!

Soren Summersbane—a necromancer, a cohost, a very best friend. Evil, by most alignment charts, but not a monster. Immortal, but not by choice. He wears many crowns, & WizWorld would not exist without him! I owe him my life, truly, many times over. This week marked his 601st birthday—for he was indeed born, as a human—& before our show, I sat down to wring agèd wisdom from his agèd mind, for the benefit of our dear mortal readers. YE ARE WELCOME. Read on—& far below, find a recap of last night’s show:

• Q: At 601 years, ye have outpaced most mortals, & even most tortoises. What is thy secret?

• A: The secret is to take a hermit crab-like approach to your body. Want a new body? Just find one, or make one, & move right in!

• Q: Mortals tend to accrue many regrets over 60, 30, or even 10 years. Have ye any regrets?

• A: I could have killed more.

• Q: Let us turn to the positive. What is thy proudest accomplishment thus far?

• A: I am proudest of my community work, in keeping Henry Kissinger dead. He keeps trying to come back, but I am sworn not to let that come to pass.

• Q: What is something ye wish ye knew, 601 years ago?

• A: 601 years ago, tractors would have really changed the game. But in all seriousness, I wish I knew what germs were back then. Wouldn't have wasted so much time with potpourri!

• Q: What lies ahead for ye in the next 601 years?

• A: As you know, I am locked in an eternal war with Summer—so I hope that in 601 years, I will have completely stopped global warming & plunged mankind into the endless, frigid Fimbulwinter.

Few mortals could ever attain such perspective—kind of him to share! For more of him, & a deep dive into the Lore of Summersbane, check out the special Interview with the Necromancer episode of our podcast! & if this has entertained ye, or enlightened ye, please consider supporting our work with a $5 monthly upgrade. Speaking of entertained, we had a rousing show last night, full of twists & delights!

Knavish Cupidity, Recapped

IN BRIEF: Cynthia returned, with a crackling new monologue & a harrowing tale of her haunting by TAYLOR SWIFT. Summersbane was celebrated, & brought back the auld trend of VINEGAR VALENTINES. Many of Summersbane’s friends & employers—the CIA, Halliburton, Kohl’s, McDonald’s, &c.—sent birthday greetings. & then, we were HOODWINKED, for our guest Cupid was in fact an ELON HUSK. We drove him off, but he returned, in droves…also Robert Goulet(‘s voice) made an appearance. MISSED ALL THAT? Catch the replay, instanter, over on Twitch!

Gratias ago for reading, dear mortals. I shall send another missive come Monday, with the next part of my adventure in the GIGA DUNGEON™. If ye have a friend who would enjoy such tales, send them a referral link before Monday! ‘Til then, please be safe, be well, & continue to be the kindest audience on this Earth.

Cheers,
Amoenus Franco & Soren Summersbane
Wizards, Writers, Immortal Pals