Ghosts, Busted

Good evening, mortals! Thank ye for joining us IN THE STACKS yester-eve! If ye missed Summersbane’s Grimoire of Infinite Answers—if ye missed our live exorcism—if ye missed another important message from Platinum Pete Hegseth—set down thy book & watch the replay, right here!

September is come, once more—belching flame & promising doom. After we scrubbed the ecto-plasm off of the priceless libris last night, I spent some time among the shelves, divining crucial foresights for the month ahead! Read the September forecast below, or head here for the audio edition, which always contains a few extra jests exclusively for the audio-audience!

The September Forecast
Divined amongst the musty tomes, for Mortal Benefit
To listen to the audio edition, head here!

• This turbulent September gleams with the menacing aura of SANGUINE CORDITE.

• A rash of SHARK ATTACKS shall strike MARTHA’S VINEYARD, & it shall CONFUSE EVERYONE when the sharks begin to leave behind RIGHT-WING MILITIA LEAFLETS about being “GREAT WHITES.”

• America’s BOND MARKETS shall REMAIN UNSTABLE, despite the turgid oaf SCOTT BESSENT’S pathetic pleas for people to PLEASE WANT THE DOLLAR MORE.

• An impossibly UNCOMFORTABLE MOMENT emerges, when participants in the GREAT RENO BALLOON RACE make an emergency landing in the middle of a 9/11 MEMORIAL RE-ENACTMENT being hosted by a CHARLIE KIRK IMPERSONATOR.

• The gnarled HEAD of a certain ARROGANT CHAT-BOT BILLIONAIRE shall MYSTERIOUSLY EXPLODE during an excruciating SOFT-BALL INTERVIEW. The press shall attempt to blame the FASCIST SHARKS.

• WAR, but not one already in-progress. A NEW WAR, in a NEW PLACE, which NONE CAN AFFORD.

• On September 12th & 13th, Summersbane & I shall perform THRICE DAILY at the IDYLLWILD RENAISSANCE FAIRE! Will this be the year the show finally features NUDITY, as SO MANY have demanded? ATTEND & FIND OUT.

• BEWARE the ORE-IDA FACTORY on SEPTEMBER 23RD. The spirits whispered rumours of a MASS SPUDDERING. I trust I need SAY NO MORE.

• FAIR PORTENTS: I spent some time dropping copies of the ÆNEID, & examining the random passages they then opened to. I thus determined that September shall be an auspicious month for—LENGTHY SEA VOYAGES; DESCENDING INTO HELL & SURVIVING THE TRIP; & also for FLEEING TROY.

• ILL OMENS: There too, I dropped copies of Lindsey Graham’s memoir, & interpreted the random passages I found. These grim signs point to a future that holds naught but doom for—LUSTING FOR WAR; RULING IN THE SENATE; & for BEING A WIFE NAMED “DIDO.”

• HAUNTING QUATRAIN:
   Two towers fall,
   & a kingdom with them.
   But onward it shambles,
   believing itself alive.

• LUCKY NUMBERS: 357-66, & 98-1, the vote tallies for the “Patriot Act” in thy House & Senate.

An æon of both darkness & possibility looms before us, mortals—but I simply see what I see. I hope together, we may make the best of it! & I hope as well, this information makes itself useful swiftly.

Thank ye for reading—& thank ye to the growing cadre of generous mortals who can & do support our works here with coin!

I shall write ye Monday with fresh art & a tale! ‘Til then—be safe, be well, & beware the Spuddering…

Cheers,
Amœnus Franco
Wizard, Writer, Gozer-Defeater