Cult of Birthdagon!

PLUS: The birthday streaming schedule!

Author

Amoenus Franco
June 18, 2025

Pre-Birthday’s greetings, mortals! As ye know, I—immortal wizard Amœnus Franco—were not “born.” I formed in the confluence of three stars, in the dim cosmos of 6,000 years ago. But each year, around June 22nd, I allow myself the indulgence of a BIRTHDAY PARTY! This year we shall celebrate in the temple of the CULT OF BIRTHDAGON, with our friend H. Dubb! Please bring a soul, in lieu of gift, to the party on Friday at 8PT!

As the first step on our journey across the Shattered Empire, we hope to make new friends, allies—or at least, not start any fights. Below, find the cult’s helpful overview pamphlet which they hand to all new “party guests!”

Cult of Birthdagon
Beliefs & Party Conduct
Inscribed during the Year of the Ice Cream Cake
by High Invitee Ra’s Pondo Zi’vuple

  • First, know ye that all birthdays are happy birthdays, by the will of Birthdagon! All hail Birthdagon, dread deity of birthdays & pride!

  • Brithdagon wants only cake, ice cream, & presents for all! Long shall they reign, for ten thousand æons! & many more, by the Sacrifices Four!

  • Gifts are not required; Birthdagon understands the grueling exploitation of Capitalism. The presence of any guest, must be considered a gift in itself.

  • BYOB, however, always be welcomed, & ‘tis a holy act.

  • There is no day where no beings are born; thus, each day be a birthday! & each birthday, a happy one, HAIL BIRTHDAGON.

  • If food allergies ye have, include that upon thine RSVP. By reading this, ye agree that the Cult of Birthdagon shall not be held liable for any allergic reaction which resulteth from an incomplete RSVP, HAIL BIRTHDAGON.

  • The Funeralists are our mortal foes; they seek to supplant the joyous & holy birthday with their grim, weeping festivals!

  • One birthday—soon to come—Birthdagon shall return to this world, & we shall destroy the Funeralists. This is known as the “Cumpleañogeddon.”

  • The ancient birth-sages tell us that the Cumpleañogeddon shall begin at Litha, the Summer Solstice. Our cakes reflect this tale.

  • Eagerly we await this final battle, to rout the Funeralists once & for all, to conquer Death itself, & usher in the ETERNAL BIRTHDAY! AIYA, HAIL BIRTHDAGON! BLOOD SHALL RUN UPON OUR BIRTH-BLADES & THE HOLY GLORY OF BATTLE WILL WASH AWAY ALL SIN

  • Please, no pets, as our temple hath carpet.

They seem fun, ne? Thank ye for reading, mortals. & we thank especial those with the means to support our works with coin! We know all too well the harrowing pressure mortals now suffer, & we are honored when ye can & do share with us.

I hope ye shall join us to learn of the CULT OF BIRTHDAGON this Friday, mortals! & then, Sunday on the channel, there shall be an especial BIRTH-DOOM ROOM, tackling an extra-esoteric topic. PLUS, to round out the birthday+Solstice weekend, on MONDAY at 11AM Pacific, ye shall enjoy a BONUS SHOW! Hunter (of Hunter & the Wiz) & Lux (known also as the goblin “Slurs the Toilet”) shall join me to craft characters in ARS MAGICA! One grand birthday, three powerful broadcasts, MISS THEM NOT! I look eagerly forward to spending Friday with ye—’til then, be safe, be well, & HAIL BIRTHDAGON!

Cheers,
Amœnus Franco
Wizard, Writer, Anti-Funeralist

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