Come celebrate a Bel-Cash-Birthday!

MORTALS—this Friday, we shall celebrate the BEL-CASH-BIRTHDAY! Our favorite finance demon BEL-CASH-ZZAR celebrates another æon around the Sun, & we shall present INVESTMENT MAGICKS APLENTY. Plus singing, a MONEYVERSE OF MADNESS, & who knows what his perilous portfolio may portend? FIND OUT FRIDAY!

In the meantime—I crafted a makeshift Calendarium from loose demon-webs & imp-skins, that I might bring ye the SEPTEMBER FORECAST! Read on, to know what ye must to survive the coming month:

The September Forecast
Divined in the Alley of Misery, for Mortal Benefit

• This sour September skulks with an aura of CAMPAIGN. Swelling purple, reeking of lies, & brought to ye by CHEVRON™.

• J.D. Vance shall lurk unwanted across the land, & is to be AVOIDED. Should he appear, simply hand him a dozen of “whatever makes sense.”

• A certain ACTOR will KISS A LADY, so poorly that it causes WAR with IRELAND. Ireland shall WIN.

• This month bodes ill for Marriages, Alliances, & Food Truck Competition Shows. Those who seek to combine all three, they consider FOLLY.

• Considering buying pork futures? The H5N1 outbreak consumes all pig, so…buy them, I think, or perhaps, do not buy them. Truly, ‘t depends on whether ye understand how futures work. I do not.

• Remember to NEVER FORGET, lest ye be consigned to the PHANTOM ZONE by CONGRESS.

• EGGS, but not as ye know them.

• CAKES, but not as ye eat them.

• WAR continues; goodness, I certainly would love for my crystal skull to not show me war, for even one month, humanity.

• Lucky numbers: 1, 2, 3 4 5, Everybody in the car so come on let’s ride, 31

• The Idyllwild Ren Faire shall return & feature a certain WIZARD TALK SHOW, on September 28th & 29th!

I hope this scrying proves useful, mortals! Thank ye for reading, thank ye for all the kind camaraderie, & we thank especial those who can & do generously provide $5 monthly to support these works!

I shall write ye Saturday with some fresh notions, assuming we survive the BEL-CASH-BIRTHDAY. Join us Friday at 8PT! Until then, be safe, be well, & remember to WRITE! IT! OFF!

Cheers,
Amoenus Franco
Wizard, Writer, Executive Junior VP of Salesmancy