Casting Magick Yells!

MONDAY’S GREETINGS, mortals! This morn I would discuss an oft-neglected magickal skill—casting magick YELLS! Any fool may cast a spell—that entails merely speaking, writing, or e’en thinking magick words. Which can be, of course, any words. But when ye combine a spell with volume? Ye gain a potency which may SHATTER THE WORLD.

Magick yells allow the caster to take advantage of a perfectly good societal norm—id est, mortals typically expect that others will not yell. This is generally, a good thing to expect, & a good thing to respect. But when mortals conduct evil business—when they cloak themselves in villainy & spread poison—many still allow them the kindness of not yelling. This, I posit, is an error. One that a magickal yell corrects!

For example, imagine: ye trundle to the market, beset by misery, counting the meager pfennige allotted to ye by thy failing society. When, suddenly, appeareth—A SIGNATURE-MONGER. He waves a petition at ye, feigning innocence, claiming that if ye simply sign this petition to revoke a minimum wage, democracy shall prevail & all shall be well. Ho, liar! Fiend! Alas, some sign it, hoodwinked by his mendacious patter; others, wise to his trick, sign not, yet still allow him to continue in peace! I say—why allow him peace? He endeavors to destroy lives, how be that peaceable behavior? Nay. Now, cast ye a MAGICKAL YELL!

Demand of him the meaning of his wretched petition; when he answers, cast “THIS OVERTURNETH A MINIMUM WAGE?” If he responds with more lies, moaning that it will “kill the hotel industry” & “protects workers actually,” cast “HAVE A BAD DAY.” This shall have little effect upon the petition-monger—but he is not thy target. Ho, ho, nay! Thy true target wears the market’s uniform, & gazes upon the situation, annoyed. Aye, the true goal: cause such a nuisance, that the market-folk bid the petition-monger to leave! “PLY THY HORRID TRADE ELSEWHERE,” they cast—for ye be the sacred CUSTOMER, whose coin they desire, & any entity that disrupteth the customer is ANATHEMA to market-folk.

HUZZAH! The petition-monger slinks off, & his foul works are smote upon the curbside. Other applications for magick yells include:

• Repelling a fox, coyote, or ghost.

• Ruining an evil politician’s al fresco luncheon.

• Ruining an evil comedian’s show.

• Ruining a good comedian’s show.

  • NOTE: I do NOT SUPPORT this use of magick yells; this veers into what is known as the “left vocal cord path.” I include it here merely for completeness.

• Distracting the harbormaster while thy compatriot sneaks into a barrel, disguised as cargo.

• Warning others that a police (whether local oinkos, highway pig-men, ICE swine, &c.) lurks about.

As with other magickal workings, magick yells grow in power if ye cast them with companions. Grand workings, with many casters yelling together, may achieve stunning alterations to reality! Over this past weekend, in Los Angeles, group yelling rituals disrupted several attempts by pig-folk to kidnap people. Another coven yelled at a hotel for providing room & board to the swine & the hotel, so panicked by the yelling, hurled the swine into the street! HUZZAH FOR MAGICK YELLS!

I must, at this point, also include a few instances I recommend NOT casting magick yells:

• At children

• At cats (unless they are eating children)

• At customer support workers

• At funerals

• At Satan (he enjoys it)

I hope ye may incorporate this puissant technique into thy repertoires! Though, of course, I wish such measures were not needed at all. Alas, until ye improve society, the magick yell will remain an essential tool in any caster’s arsenal!

Thank ye for reading, mortals! & thank ye humbly to the growing cadre of generous mortals who can & do support our works here with coin!

I shall write ye Wednesday with news of this week’s episode—& quite an episode, IT SHALL BE. ‘Til then—be safe, be well, & be YELLING AT EVIL.

Cheers,
Amoenus Franco
Wizard, Writer, Loud