Aprilian Foolery!

A Must-Have Breviary for Successful Fools

Author

Amoenus Franco
March 30, 2026

Greetings, mortals! March’s last breaths wither on the wind, & April rushes headlong toward us! Which brings with it, APRIL FOOLS’ DAY. A day of pranks & hoodwinks—which mortals seem to love, & yet, also frequently FAIL MISERABLY with.

& so, as a public service, I crafted this fool’s breviary. Please tote it with ye this year, that ye may fool around more triumphantly!

APRILIAN FOOLERY
A Pocket-Sized Guide for Well-Crafted Pranking

As an immortal wizard—o’er 6,000 years of age—I have seen pranks across millennia. Pranks both foul & fair, failures & finessed victories. I distilled my experiences down here, for mortal benefit, THOU ART WELCOME.

Most beings, mortal & otherwise, enjoy a good joke. & most beings, mortal & otherwise, have seen or suffered horrendous “pranks.” In my æons of life, I have found that the most successful foolery follows a few simple rules. I share them now:

  1. Avoid cruelty: Many of the least-enjoyable fools, orient their works around cruelty. They pick on the picked-on, berate the weak, employ hatreds. Only the heartless find this fun, & typically, it ruins the moment for all except the perpetrator.

  2. Avoid destruction: When an April fooling brings about destruction—whether of a car, a treasured toy, a poor comedian’s only good pair of pants, &c.—this, too, creates ill feelings. The prank is almost ne’er funny enough to outweigh the annoyance or misery of the destruction.

    There was one time, in auld Eoforwic—ye now call it “York”—where I did witness a destructive prank which were indeed funny enough. A local hogsman—known equally for his japes as for the quality of his hog-flesh—strolled into the alewife’s home one evening, as he so oft would. Eowils, the local Norseman tough, presented him with a head on a platter! That of a rival hogsman, who would often boast that he would “taste as good at dinner as a ham”…and…mayhaps this prank has not agèd well. But at the time, we laughed for hours.

  3. Avoid fake marriage or pregnancy: ‘Tis simply annoying & rather hackneyed—truly, this stopped being novel by the 1600s.

  4. Set up the prank in advance: Particularly for pranks involving irrealis, & twists relying on shared history, spending the time to properly plant the seeds of the prank shall always enhance its execution. Rather than suddenly pretending to take a trip to Rome, or making wild unfounded claims of encountering a cherished celebrity, begin to drop hints relating to the false event in the days or weeks prior. Mention odd facts about the city of Rome, like knowing the precise number of bones & skulls beneath its streets. Speak excitedly about receiving a ticket to the film premiere of the cherished celebrity, like a red carpet event for a new film starring Zahn McClarnon. A truly serious prankster will also craft supporting materials, like a fake movie poster for the film starring Zahn McClarnon, & then alter a real photo of Zahn McClarnon at a red carpet, to include thyself, thus polishing the reality of the lie.

  5. Follow the prank with candy: Who could be upset at a prank, which gifts them candy? & if a prank goes very well, the candy then acts as a boost. There is no losing, when providing candy.

  6. Maybe Zahn McClarnon is on “Cameo?”: Pretending to meet Zahn McClarnon would go o’er much more strongly with a custom video from the amazing actor, saying thy name & referencing how ye met. Is he on the web-service “Cameo?” Mayhaps. Worth researching!

  7. Zahn McClarnon seems nice, perhaps if ye ask, he will join in directly: I have ne’er met the gentleman, but ne’er either have I heard an ill word spoken of him. Imagine if ye contacted him, & he were willing to join in on the prank! Forget the nonsense of “Cameo,” try sending an electrified mail! I bet he will be into it. I bet he will help.

  8. Always say “April Fools!” at the end: That way, all know the prank has ended…which also provides an opportunity to begin the second layer of the prank! Like having Zahn McClarnon emerge from a pantry or other hiding place.

Thank ye for reading! & we humbly thank that growing clan of mortals who can & do support our works here with coin! GRATIAS!

I shall write ye come Wednesday with news of our next episode—only a few left until we complete our odyssey across the Shattered Empire! ’Til then: be safe, be well, & remember, Zahn McClarnon’s “Dark Winds” airs Sunday nights on AMC.

Cheers,
Amœnus Franco
Wizard, Writer, Frequent Fool

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