Annual Granting of Birthday Wishes

Post-birthday’s greetings, mortals! Thank ye for filling my birthday week-end with joy, delight, community, & all the warmth of a vibrant coven. As promised, in today’s missive, I shall now GRANT WISHES! Ye wished, & now, ye shall receive:

• Dear friend “h_dubb” wisheth: “To work little, but make much.”

  • A perfectly understandable wish, & would we not wish such a thing for all? I laboured on into the night, & the marbles are now in motion. By the end of the year, dear “h_dubb,” ye shall receive a class action settlement that pays for an entire season of bills! PRAISE BIRTHDAGON, SO ‘TIS WISHED, SO ‘T SHALL BE. 

• One of our musical friends, Mop (of Mop & Broom), wisheth: “My only wish: purple.”

  • This one required more thought; what is meant, “purple?” I should transmogrify Mop to appear purple? Douse them in sacred Tyrian purpura? Alter the universe itself, to purple? In the end, I settled upon a compromise which I believe shall satisfy. PRAISE BIRTHDAGON, SO ‘TIS WISHED, SO ‘T SHALL BE. 

• Another musical friend, Broom (of Mop & Broom) wisheth: “I wish, I wish, I wish I were a fish!”

  • Irreversible, dangerous—& I have little choice but to grant it, per the laws of BIRTHDAGON. Broom—ye now require oxygen-rich fluid for respiration, taste well with fermented rice, & should ye encounter a dangling worm, ye must SWIM AWAY, fast as ye can. PRAISE BIRTHDAGON, SO ‘TIS WISHED, SO ‘T SHALL BE.

• Interns Forrest & Emily, of RadioFreeMultiverse, both wish for “BIG FRENCH GIRLFRIEND.“

  • I braved a room hazed with vile, stale tobacco, to secure this wish. Under the Harvest Moon, look to the East—there ye shall find Juliette, big as the Sun. Her eye discourses—shall ye answer it? PRAISE BIRTHDAGON, SO ‘TIS WISHED, SO ‘T SHALL BE.

• One o’our prized Northern coven-members, P.K., wisheth: “I wish for world pee’s. It’s like world peace but something to do with [ᛗᛁᚳᚷᚪᚾ].”

  • ‘T feels odd to say, but this wish already the Fates ordained. This Autumn, mortal-kind in the so-called “developed nations,” shall realize the folly in flushing their ᛗᛁᚳᚷᚪᚾ out into the dying oceans. Several noisome celebrities revive the ancient practice of recycling, rescuing the precious minerals & nutrients from the sea-heap; for many Americans, this becomes their primary source of income after the Summertide collapse, which this wish shall now cause. PRAISE BIRTHDAGON, SO ‘TIS WISHED, SO ‘T SHALL BE.

• & finally, cherished “PhotoMom” wisheth: “A fruitful year for us all!”

  • A challenging wish, in these challenging times—but a dear & kind one, which I desire greatly to grant. & SO I HAVE. This year, all of the kind folk of this coven, shall yield more fruit than seems possible. ‘Ere January, one of thy works this year, shall bear a treble-result, when ye least expect it! So craft, design, labor, create as ye will, & know this wish has vouchsafed a bounty for ye. PRAISE BIRTHDAGON, SO ‘TIS WISHED, SO ‘T SHALL BE.

Thank ye, mortals, for casting such fine wishes! I hope ye enjoy the results. Thank ye also for reading, to all who gave birthday gifts this weekend, & of course to that growing cadre of coven-folk who support our works here with coin!

I shall write ye again come Wednesday with news of this week’s episode—’til then, be safe, be well, & keep thine eyes peeled for a BIG FRENCH GIRLFRIEND.

Cheers,
Amœnus Franco
Wizard, Writer, Wishmaster (nice version)