Absorb this Seeker's Guide: Divination!

THE FUTURE—for mortals, a murky place of fear & unknowns! But for mages, & the ascended wise, & the unscrupulous necromantics, ‘tis a place of CERTAINTY—that is, ‘t can be, IF ye learn the ways. A full course requires years of study, & sacrifice, & personal growth…but if ye need urgent answers to what the morrow holds? Take ye this guide into thine unsteady hands, my dear mortals, & prepare TO DIVINE:

Seeker’s Guide
Divination

Folio I: Intent

As with any magickal endeavor, the practitioner must first refine their intent. Know what ye will, & what ye need, & why ye need it—for Divination, in particular, the seeker must also know what they do not know. This may seem tricky, or Republican, but ‘tis simple & apolitical. Simply ask, “What do I need to know?,” & then follow with, “What do I not know?”

For example, if ye wish to know, “What shall the 9-Realm Powerball winning numbers be tonight?,” that implies the reflective “I do not know the precise numbers in the precise order that shall be drawn.” Ye do know there shall be numbers, ye do know the range of numerals they could be, ye do know there shall be a drawing, & so forth. This level of specificity is crucial for Divinatory success, because all Divinatory tools, are jerks.

Folio II: Jerks

Whether ye make use of tarot cards, bird guts, sheep guts, piñata guts, dice, or—my preferred tool—the reanimated skull of a long-defeated foe, ye must always bear this in mind: the tools are jerks. They will lie, they will obfuscate, they will provide extraneous information if afforded the chance, & they will—particularly if they are the skull of a long-defeated foe—attempt to persuade ye that misery & failure await regardless of the query.

This is why a carefully-refined query, which closes off avenues for cheating, mendacity, & so forth, is a must. In our 9-Realm Powerball example, if ye simply dig out the cracked cranium of Ar-Pharazon the Coward, & ask it, “What shall the winning numbers be tonight?,” ye shall receive some sort of terrible answer. He could say something like, “The numbers shall range from 1 to 35, numbering 6, arranged in an order, with the Prince of Numbers, ye hallowed Powerball Number, coming last—& with it, ruin follows.”
O, fie! Technically, this satisfies the query, but provides no helpful new information, & contains a rather pointed & unnecessary prediction of ruin. Imagine scrounging up the 12,000 gold pieces’ worth of spell components necessary, only to swish away empty-handed! Nay, it need not be so.

Instead, pile him on to some burning gems, walk widdershins a bit, & then, query thusly: “Ar-Pharazon, long-dead Coward! Slain by mine own hand! I call ye across the Veil, I call ye back, I grant ye voice for one night more. Speak, I compel ye, of this: List, in correct order, in such a way that anyone could clearly understand, the precise numerals which shall be drawn for the 9-Realm Powerball this very night, that I may play the numbers & achieve a glorious prize, with none of thy pathetic editorializing.”
This be long, to be sure, but it shall constrain Ar-Pharazon, or thine tarot cards, or thy two-headed coin with one side scarred, &c. Plus, it being longer, with ritual & such florid language, shall increase the feeling of ceremonial power. And, honestly, the theatricality is at least 25% of the potency. He shall then grumble & bebitch, but lacking any room to maneuver, shall provide the requested lottery numerals.

Folio III: Tools

Above, I mention several Divination tools, but I wish to list a few more obscure options here, for any mortals who may not know. Already I mentioned tarot cards, foe-skulls, dice, idiosyncratic coins, bird- & sheep- & piñata-guts. But know ye…?

· Dowsing rod · Dreams · Clouds · Tea leaves · Bird flight (guts must remain inside) · Hand-carved rune-stones · Hand-carved rune-bones · Shadow puppets
· Random page of book (Bible, Æneid, Leslie Nielsen’s Stupid Little Golf Book, &c.)
· Rodeo crowd · Crystal ball · Hopping scotch · Smelling scotch · Wizard of Oz & Dark Side of the Moon, played simultaneously, paused randomly · Leaf

I hope this list proves useful—truly, any tool properly prepared may serve, except for Monopoly game pieces. The Racecar always tells a lie, & the Thimble always tells the truth, but the Iron screams so loudly that their answers cannot be accurately heard.

In the interest of brevity, I shall end this guide here! I realize this leaves little room for topics such as Safety, Curse Avoidance, Skull Maintenance, & the Forbidden Queries Which Result in Madness. Alas, the limits of publishing! But I know ye shall be fine—my foe-skull hath foreseen it…

As ever, mortals, I am so grateful to all who read & enjoy these missives, to all those who waive their rights to a trial in cases of liability arising from use of Divination, which ye have just now done by reading—& of course, I thank especially that growing coven of mortals who can & do spare $5 monthly to support our works!

I shall write ye again come Wednesday with news of our next episode—& speaking of Divination, that entry shall also include the September forecast! Until then, mortals: be safe, be well, & do try to avoid any of the Forbidden Queries Which Result in Madness (list forthcoming).

Cheers,
Amoenus Franco
Wizard, Writer, Known Unknown