Abolish the Ice Donjon!

Bon evening, mortals! Thank ye for joining us in the Ice Donjon last night. I was, I admit, somewhat uncertain if we would escape unbanned, but our audience is more mature than most! If ye missed our chilly evening—if ye missed the mega-monologue, the free speech, the big Pharma lobbying—then amble tranquilly to the replay, right here!

As viewers know, we spent last night in the company of several villains encased in ice. We know not who put them there—only that, in the waning days of the Empire, someones decided their fate ought to be left to the future.

The audience decided that, rather than leave them to thaw & rot, we ought to take more decisive action. & so:

THE VILE GUARDSMAN, ROZJAN: An animate suit of armor, with no soul, the vile Rozjan was known for murdering peasants with wild abandon. He frequently stabbed passersby, & would fire his crossbow into waggons for fun. We thawed him out, then cast each piece of metal into a pit of aqua fortis, & each piece screamed unto the uncaring stars. The animate spirit within, we captured in a jar, & tossed into a field.

THE WRETCHED GOBLIN JEARLY: As we began to thaw him out, someone cast Magic Missile from the shadows, & his head exploded. We did not attempt to find out whom.

THE FOUL JARL ᚦORDAL: Summersbane brought the rotting corpse back to life; we set him loose in the nearby field. He stumbled around, & then was eaten by a grue.

THE HUMAN ACTOR, SYLVESTER STALLONE: We thawed him out, & sent him back to thine Earth, to live out his days as a bloated neo-Nazi, ne’er again crafting anything worthwhile. His family loves him only for his money, his daughters are aimless, & his life is a grey void punctuated by Nazi rallies & the tedious filming of his declining TV show.

We are grateful that, last night, nobody in the audience sought to compare these beings to the real Earth persons of the murderer Jonathan Ross, agitator Charlie Kirk, & Jarl Donald Trump. That would have rendered the show quite difficult! We once again praise our wise audience for understanding correctly the nature of the Ice Donjon, & we hope all enjoyed the catharsis.

Thank ye for reading, mortals! & we thank humbly all those who support our works here with coin!

I shall write ye Monday with fresh art & a tale! ‘Til then—be safe, be well, & remember, ‘tis legal to say whatever ye wish about non-human beings in the Shattered Empire...

Cheers,
Amœnus Franco
Wizard, Writer, Icefoe