A Visit with Mr. Autumnus

PLUS—the October Forecast!

Author

Amoenus Franco
October 01, 2025

HO THERE, mortals! October, already? Seems impossible—& yet, this Friday, we greet the Fall by greeting MR. AUTUMNUS! He seems an agreeable fellow, encountered in some backwoods of the Shattered Empire—hopefully he knows some clue which may lead us back on the trail of the wretched BILLIEN? Find out with us Friday at 8PT!

BELOW—find this month’s Forecast! I slipped into the pocket plane of my Calendarium to peer ahead into the haunted October that lies in wait for us all. Face this month forewarned—with both textual & audio versions!

The October Forecast
Divined at a Sea-Salted Mitternacht, for Mortal Benefit

To listen to this forecast, teleport to the pod-cast version right here!

  • This chillingly warm OCTOBER whispers with an aura of RAZORED APPLES. Be mindful when unwrapping any of these next 31 days!

  • Unusually massive celebrations for ITALIAN-AMERICAN/FILIPINO-AMERICAN/POLISH-AMERICAN MONTH—all of them OCTOBER—cause a devastating RUN ON PORK.

  • The rotting, reeking, AI BUBBLE shall POP in spectacular fashion, after SAM ALTMAN is accidentally cursed to ONLY TELL THE TRUTH. Dissolved instantly are TRILLIONS OF DOLLARS, & job losses skyrocket into the MILLIONS, but at least NO FURTHER SLOP IS MADE.

  • MAYOR ERIC ADAMS, adrift & seeking purpose after we SUCCESSFULLY HEXED him out of RE-ELECTION, shall take an IMPROV CLASS. Belatedly, he shall realize he ought to have been A COMEDIAN ALL LONG.

  • FAT BEAR WEEK goes horribly AWRY, & then horribly ARIGHT, as PETE HEGSETH drunkenly attempts & then fails to BULLY one of the BEARS.

  • This year’s most popular HALLOWE’EN COSTUME shall be: BED-SHEET GHOST WHO LOST A LOT OF MONEY IN AI STOCKS

  • This year’s most popular HALLOWE’EN TREAT shall be: MILKY WAY™ MIDNIGHT™ WITH A DOLLAR WRAPPED AROUND IT

  • This year’s most popular HALLOWE’EN TRICK shall be: CALLING ICE TO REPORT SEEING IMMIGRANT GHOSTS UP AT THE OLD GROVELAND MANSION, WHICH HAS BEEN ABANDONED THESE 13 YEARS, & MANY SAY IS HAUNTED. WHAT, NOT SCARED ARE YOU, MR. BRAVE ICE AGENT?

  • FAIR PORTENTS: I spent the day considering the flights of birds, & analyzed the meanings. My findings indicate this October shall be a perfect month for—baking RARE BROWNIES; reading RARE BOOKS; kissing WIVES HELLO; & conducting SKYCLAD SAMHAIN RITUALS.

  • ILL OMENS: Meanwhile, I considered the entrails of a conservative goat, & the grim results indicate that in October none should—eat RARE CHICKEN; breed RARE ROOKS; kiss ASSES GOOD-BYE; nor conduct ANOTHER GENOCIDE.

  • Once, conventional lore held “Warm October, Cold February.” Now, ‘t seems, we may suppose “Warm October, Warm February…Warm March, Warm April, Warm May…”

  • Lucky numbers: ::the radio tunes to a static-laden rendition of Van Halen’s “Panama”:: ACHTUNG! ACHTUNG! AIN. DRÜÜ. DRÜÜ. SIBE. AIN. DRÜÜ. DRÜÜ. SIBE.

A strange month ahead, mortals—but I simply see what I see. I hope together, we may make the best of it! & I hope as well, this information makes itself useful swiftly.

Thank ye for reading—& thank ye to the growing cadre of generous mortals who can & do support our works here with coin!

I shall write ye Saturday with a fresh dispatch—after what I assume shall be a most pleasant evening with MR. AUTUMNUS? Aye, JOIN US THERE FRIDAY! ‘Til then—be safe, be well, & be ready for tricks…

Cheers,
Amoenus Franco
Wizard, Writer, Candy-Craving

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