A Journey Into Commune-Ism

HO THERE, mortals—I bring thrilling tidings of COMMUNE-ISM! This Friday at 8PT, we journey to the Shattered Empire’s premiere post-Imperial hamlet, a functioning peasant’s commune! Our noble peasant guide (LUX) shall take us through what I assume to be an absolute paradise! Free of conflict & want…right? Spend Lughnasadh with us Friday at 8PT to be the first mortals to experience pure, perfect, peasant COMMUNE-ISM!

BELOW—find this month’s Forecast! I stepped into my Calendarium to peer ahead into the baker’s August that lurks in the shadows. Unvarnished as e’er, mortals—ye MUST face August forewarned!

The August Forecast
Divined under a Tsunami’s Warning, for Mortal Benefit

For an audiophonic rendition of the forecast, please HEAR HERE.

• This convective AUGUST threatens us with an aura of MOLTEN PIG-IRON. Alloyed, ‘t pains me to report, with synthetic SUFFERING.

• The great Celtic god LUGH shall return, for his first Earthly LUGHNASADH in a millennium. He shall demand WOMEN’S BASKETBALL, & thankfully, a coven of WNBA CRONES shall SECURE THE COMING HARVEST for us all.

• A certain POWERFUL PEDOPHILE shall ESCAPE CONSEQUENCES, yet again.

• A TECH COMPANY shall UPSET EVERYONE including their INVESTORS, but NOTHING shall HAPPEN TO THE CEO.

• The NEW POPE shall PUT HIS WAFERS WHERE HIS MOUTH IS, & commit to a DRAMATIC COURSE OF ACTION regarding the GENOCIDE IN GAZA.

• A celebration of NATIONAL DIPPIN’ DOTS MONTH turns sour, when a band of rogue NATIONAL CATFISH MONTH celebrants hold the attendees HOSTAGE; a subsequent clash with NATIONAL GOAT CHEESE MONTH assassins leaves HUNDREDS FULL.

• A rare QUADRUPLE RAINBOW shall be sighted o’er the WESTERN SEA, where none but the NUDE dare to travel.

• MAYOR ERIC ADAMS shall fall into a SEWER, & a canister of OOZE shall also fall thereupon, transforming him into TEENAGE MAYOR MUTANT ADAMS.

• The BEST ARTIST I KNOW, shall have a pleasant BIRTHDAY.

• When it RAINS in AUGUST, it rains HONEY & WINE—except this August, when it shall rain 87% CACAO CHOCOLATE.

• Lucky numbers: 70-71-72, temperature readings ye shall soon LONG FOR.

A heated month ahead, mortals—but I simply see what I see. I hope together, we may make the best of it! & I hope as well, this information makes itself useful swiftly.

Thank ye for reading—& thank ye to the growing cadre of generous mortals who can & do support our works here with coin!

I shall write ye Saturday with a fresh dispatch—written from the leisurely grounds of a peasant commune! O, what joys await us under COMMUNE-ISM? Well JOIN US THERE FRIDAY TO FIND OUT! ‘Til then—be safe, be well, & assemble thy Lughnasadh costume…

Cheers,
Amœnus Franco
Wizard, Writer, Filivs Avgvstvs